Monthly Archives: August 2011

What Can I Do For YOU?

This seems like a dirty word/phrase sometimes; “What can I do for You?” may seem altruistic, almost “old world”; a way of giving through self-sacrifice. Or its meaning is relegated to the service or hospitality industry. But what if  “What can I do for You?” really is about You? What if in serving another you really do serve your Self, not just you, but the Whole?

We cannot live in a vacuum, a bubble, an island or any other such isolation tank.  In other words, we cannot live for “ourselves” alone.

A barrage of information lately has led me to think there is a war going on between the philosophy of  how to “make your dreams come true” and “noticing what is wrong in the world and making it right.”  Between My Life and Our Life.  I notice that even in some of the books I have read, some of the most spiritual “new age” manifestation materials on finding happiness (The Secret, The Law of Attraction etc.) we are being asked to focus on what we WANT instead of what don’t want. That makes sense. But what if what we want isn’t really what we need? How are we to know that? If we are the ones in this mess, if we are alone or in lack, if we are disconnected from our “brothers”, from humanity, how can we know that what we want will only serve ourselves and leave us empty? Are we really going to be happy when we get that house, or when we are more popular than Oprah? That is a fantasy. A wish. A desire. But is it coming from the right place?

Who are we listening to?

“We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them”
Albert Einstein

I am just noticing for myself that I have grown up a lot in the past 10 years. I did all those visualizations, I posted my sticky-notes and pictures on the wall.  I said my chants of affirmations about my “ideal life” and I fantasized continually about their realization.  Some of them came true. Others did not.

In the meantime, I had a life, I had a family, I had conflicts, doubts, discoveries. I clarified, I lied to myself and others, I pretended, and I parted ways. I came back again and tried for another day. I gave up my “ideas” and decided to discover something truly new, something I hadn’t thought of before. I learned from others. I gave up my idea of what was supposed to be true. I gave up attack against those who didn’t agree with me. I decided to try a different approach with my friends, partner, spouse.

“What can I do for you?”

This is really uncomfortable. I am used to thinking about myself. All the time! I have been incredibly selfish over the years, perfectionistic, obsessed with figuring out what I am supposed to do, how I can be better, happier, more successful, and and and…..  all the while, there are people all around me looking for guidance, happiness, peace. Relief. Relief from the barrage of  “What about me?”  

I was called on it recently. And I argued that I do care, I do try. But I was wrong. I was still thinking small.

There is a relief in telling your story and being heard, and having someone care about your existence. There is a relief in caring about someone else for awhile. It makes us human, sane, and reach for something better. Not just for ourselves and our own pleasure, but for everyone around us. Perhaps even around the world.

What is it you really, really want? Underneath your surface concerns and desires?

Most people when put to the test really want love. That is all.  When you’re down on your knees, you want your family, or your spouse. A child, a friend, a dog. You want somewhere to live that feels right, gives you comfort at night. You want to belong.

It’s really not so simple. We are constantly under attack, from ads, companies, people trying to fit that need with something better. Even from social media and the “new age” scene. Everybody has the answer. But nobody will admit what you don’t need.  Whose going to tell you not to buy their product or take their course or adopt their philosophy?

What if for one day we stopped seeking answers for ourselves, and asked a better question:  to whoever you belong to or aspire to serve:  God/Source, your wife, community, child, friend or dog, or even the stranger down the hall…. even if it feels falsely altruistic, misguided, uncertain or scared…

Ask “What can I do for You?” instead.

And see the belly rise with relief, the eyes sparkle with their knowing response: “You did the right thing” or Thank You.

 

P.S. Giving to others or having a higher purpose does not mean you give up being who you are, or give up any of your material possessions, unless you want to . I love a good clearing out too!  And I love to give things away.  But it’s a mental shift. Maybe a physical shift. No one can tell you when it’s wrong. You just feel it. Only you will know when you got it right.  And, you may sleep better at night.

Love Is Seamless

Here is a poem I wrote awhile back that echoes yesterday’s post,  “What is Love?”.  I thought it fitting to re-post it here.It is part of my collection,  “Song of the Beloved: A Mystical Journey” now available on Amazon.

Love is Seamless
I used to think love was boundless
The word boundless came up a lot
And often implied the boundaries I lived with every day
Thoughts of morality and play
 
I had a revelation the other day
I was thinking of quilting and of patterns and of shapes
I was thinking of all the lovely people I know
And the ones I lost along the way
 
I felt sad for a moment that I missed somehow the point
That in my effort to repair
The tear in the fabric, to sew all the pieces together
And hunt down lost souls
I had forgotten a simple pattern needs no interference
And goes on forever without boundaries anywhere
 
We are not a pattern or a shape 
We are not a collection of hapless pieces to reassemble
This love I feel is a seamless mix
A vibration that goes on forever
 
I stood there and said:
“We are all here right now…”
Put down your needles and your thread
There are no seams in love.  
 
We Are All Here Right Now
We Are All Here Right Now

Amen

x
© Krista Moore 2011  “Song of the Beloved: A Mystical Journey”, collection of poetry/prose.

What is Love?

A friend asked me this question, and I am commissioned to answer.  I would be wise not to try to answer it by saying what love is, for as A Course in Miracles says, love cannot be defined.  But perhaps in offering what love is not I can suggest its opposite. But, as the Course says, “what is all-encompassing can have no opposite”.

There is only one cure for “love” in this world and that is God.

I have known glimpses of love’s scent. I have known the quality of joy looking back in the mirror, the glow of understanding, of surrender. The big AHA that comes as a deep sigh within. The grateful feeling of love’s proximity keeping us safe from the wizards of doom.

I do not believe that love comes from one person. I do not believe that we are meant to love only one person and put all our hopes and dreams on that. That is not love, but devastation. For people will always disappoint you.

No one should be used as a “replacement” for Love. No one can put windows and doors around Love’s Presence. When you feel it, you know it. It is a safe but unbordered country. I have no idea how to define it or even say I know it clearly.I am still humble in the ways of love.

Any relationship, or lack of relationship, can be transformed by surrendering your ideas about it, and asking for a “miracle” instead.

We all make mistakes. And though I said we cannot find Love in another person, I meant exclusively. If we try to possess another person as our own – as in “My Family”, “My Spouse”, “My Children”, we are boxing them in. We are not seeing them for who they really are – unique individuals, yes, on a mission of their own. Each person is born with a unique blueprint, a purpose for being here. And believe me, it is not to satisfy you and make your life easier.  That is your job.

If you are expecting others to do the work for you, to reach those arms around you and keep you safe, they will inevitably disappoint. That is their job!  To show you where your weak spots are, to stimulate rejection so you can learn, to catalyze transformation.

Believe it or not, that purpose is truer to Love’s Cause than the other. Anyone you choose to make yourself comfortable, static and “the same” is just your way of keeping yourself in a holding pattern. It may feel like a house, a relationship, a life, but it is just your way of feeling safe. That doesn’t mean you can’t have those things, they are necessary to life, but they are not what life is for.

True love says Go, do what you have to do. Don’t worry about me. True love let’s another person grow beyond the edges of what is comfortable for either one. True love sees a relationship as an opportunity to grow, forgive and let go. Of expectations, definitions, demands, and other subtle ways we try to control the other. Unless something is freely given, it isn’t a gift, it’s a temporary prison.

So what is love? I don’t know. But it isn’t this: It isn’t waiting for the perfect person to come along. It isn’t looking at other people as potential soul-mates and measuring whether they fit the bill. It isn’t designing a life for yourself where only certain people belong.

Love is weightless, empty and strong. Love does not expect, declare or remain anywhere too long. Love is friendly and kind, as Paul the Apostle said. But it doesn’t always come with a marriage certificate.  Does that mean two people can’t love each other? No. It means our new job here is to decide if we are willing to let go. To really see another person for who they are, who they could be, but bear no interference in their crossing that bridge for themselves. We can lend a hand, that’s all.

Does that mean we walk alone? Absolutely not!  There are many friends for the journey. Not only your “mate”, but the whole world around you. You just have to look around. You have to offer it to someone – anyone!  You can’t just wait for it to happen. I hate to say this, but it’s like the Red Cross blood commercial:

It’s In You To Give

I hope that didn’t exasperate you too much. It exacerbates  me too, sometimes! I am only human. But my Divine Self is persistent and seems to have put me on this path. Even though I don’t know all the time, something in me does. And so I attempt to share the best way I can.

I hope that helps in some way. I hope that doesn’t discourage at all, but opens doors, window-frames, and every other structure you’ve laid. I talk of you, me and everyone here. We are all the same.

The truth is, we are not alone. We have many Helpers, friends, lovers. We are all commissioned to the task at hand. To learn to love each other. And if we can’t do that, to forgive.

That is all for now.

Amen.


5. Rebirth: The Wolf In Me Rises

Yesterday I was speaking to a friend about my identification with the Wolf,  as in Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Phd – My sense of adventure, my wild spirit and maternal protection of those I love… but the wolf  is also about life and death (being misunderstood), transcendence, and rebirth: the ability to “see again”.  In the natural world, life and death is the natural rhythm of “life” – one in the same in a cycle that never ends, even when it seems to. There is prey and predator, competition and loyalty to the pack; alliances between animal kingdoms, gifts and betrayals. Some sense of justice ensues.  Even the giving of a life, willingly, like a bird falling from the sky before its prey, or the raven signalling a wolf of its next game; these too can signal an underlying sense of cooperation, balance and renewal.

In “Mutant Message from Down Under”, author Marl Morgan journeys unwittingly with the aborigines to her own wild nature, her birthright as human. Though wild, though mixed with death and mutilation (her skin burned by the sun in many layers, the soles of her feet replaced with new skin like a snake), she sees the light in her quest, the smiles of her silent gatekeepers to the “underlife” (my word), the underbelly of the world. They teach her that things are not what they seem. Even what appears to die or be sacrificed, is just a part of the cycles we keep.

Where is our wild nature to go in a world ordered by what we perceive as warring nations, battles between life and death, good and evil?  Where do we fit in when we feel at the mercy of a world that seems at odds with its inhabitants?

We can learn a lot from nature. I know I could. I spend a lot of time in my backyard, on walks, on mini-adventures; and when I am out in the desert, or by the coast, I breathe in all that is different and mine.  My wild nature calls me to the road, to the dirt, to the sand. The heat grounds me, makes me sane, the wind blows me awake. My animal nature rises. Like the wolf, it can be suppressed, misunderstood, abandoned. But it will return.

In Del Mar, Carlos & Claudia taught me a lot about their people and rhythms. Claudia beat a drum and sang the tribal rhythms of the sea; a rich heritage from the deepest places. I felt lucky listening to her under a near full moon.

Tonight the moon is full again. And the Wolf in me howls with great clarity, great insight, great beaming pride. It is not a dangerous place to be. As with life and death, there is more than one way to see.

Tonight I howl at the moon and pray. I call my brothers to me. I laugh, frolic and play. I write. I pass the “peace pipe” (or a bottle of wine).  I stand on the grass, wet with dew and wave my hands over the pool. The night shimmers clear, the rhythm bright. There is nothing to do. The song is sung, the band has played. We huddle into the castle we made. Tomorrow there is much to do.

In this in between state, as we balance between the world we see, and the world we feel underneath our feet or through the stars, we clasp our brilliant nature, our wisest selves, our wild callings, our connectedness. The Wolf is only a symbol of this, though real; a totem to another life, an adventure, a way of calling the world into being. Not to be clichéd as an image of danger, but to be embraced as possible and purposeful, righteous behavior, balanced with attentiveness; the discipline we need to know ourselves, to give ourselves completely. To shine a light.

There is hope. There is clarity. And countless howls of possibility. And there is the den to return to when we need a rest until we are called again to rise to the great frontier of our better spirits.

P.S. I have discovered that my old way of seeing myself artistically as a “lone wolf” has changed: I am definitely a pack animal!

I'm the one smiling 🙂

P.P.S. My daughter just passed me a bag wrapped up that her father told her to give to me.  I unwrapped the bag. There were two bottles of wine, one white, one red. The white, which I rarely drink, is from South Australia. The name? WOLF BLASS!!

Happy Full Moon!  AAAAAROOOOOOOOOWH!

4. Resting in the Universe

 

Yesterday, as I lay on my chaise lounge outside under the grand maple tree, the only word that came to me was

“Mmmmm….”

I did not feel it through my body, as a yogi does, but I felt it through my mind, through my pores, through the trees. I felt nothing but the breeze, and my own breath on my hand.

There  is a silence so deep, that even while the torrent speaks, the breath is silently gumming the words peace. There is no word there. There is just the delicious smell of existence. Of water. Of poetry. Of united. Basking in the glow. There is no tomorrow. Nothing to shed. Nowhere to go.

Sheltered in the trees, in the breeze, I wondered if my life were too easy. Why am I not in a war-torn country? Why am I not speaking to millions on TV? Why am I just laying here soaking up the rays and quietly counting the days, the words I sing to you…

Because I have to. Nothing else matters right  now. Nothing else sings to me but my own song of patience and self-sacrifice. When I say sacrifice I mean it in the most spiritual sense. Nothing real is forsaken. Nothing is lost. Only the ego, which I cling to still, for solidarity, speaks to me and asks to “check-in.”

There is a softness now that never was before.  The sharp edges of existence, the need to have, to want, to make happen, have disappeared. When they revisit me, they are on a mission –  not from my ego – but from God.  Never have I felt so naked as now, bearing my soul to you. Telling the truth, even as I know it, discover it, express it, find it. It is You. I am bonded to the word: I Am.  Someone said that to me today, M-, and I laughed. I discovered her smile and her laugh, her faith in me. I understood. There is imminent silence in our shaking of hands, in the colours and light, the attitude.  A softness, a gathering, a united feeling. A warming of hands, a sparkling of eyes.

It is as if the softness and colours of the trees visit me, even as I sit in another place, on a porch swing, in a sanctuary space, in a crowd of onlookers, or when I am asked to speak. A Presence follows me, a calm and natural feeling. I am safe. There is no hesitance in my speech. I am safe. There is no precedent for it. Nothing to profit by. I am just being myself.

Mmmmm……

That is all I feel now.  A soft inner understanding, a great patience and rest. The rest is safe. It can wait. For me, for Him, for whatever moves through me. It will come. “I” no longer matter. My ego pretends it matters a great deal. But I know differently. No clocks tick my impatience awake. Even as I sit tonight, late, I am soft, I am loose, my belly curved. My eyes soft on the “page”. It is night. It is day. Whatever time it is, I am safe. I am at play.

I hardly know what to dedicate this to anymore. There is a harmony, a blending; I am surrounded by people, new voices, questions, supplications, invitations. I hardly know what to say. Except –

Mmmmmmm…… and just breathe it all in.

Yes, it is good. I may protest a bit, but not enough to stop this wind from blowing and dashing my protest to bits, leaving me dangling by the leaf on my  hand.

It’s enough.

It is night. And the soft stars are staring their surprise back at me. The force of all is knowing, spinning, vertical. Lifting us up beyond the trees. The knowing stars are shining, and You, You are too. However you wait, however long. Whatever you do. You are knowing too.

Amen.

3. The Death of the Ego

Inner Light

When we talk about death we often talk about the physical body. But that has been the least of my experience. Yes, I have been through death: death of a mother/father figure, death of an aunt, death of nearly all my grandparents, two dogs and a cat, not to mention the young ones on the periphery, those who I didn’t know well, but touched me still. And those in war-torn countries whom I’ve never met. I feel them all.  But death is not just that.

Death is of the ego*

In my understanding, the ego identifies with the body to separate itself and create a separate identity. It can be special, definitive and alone.  The ego is that part of ourselves that is not aligned with life. With communion. It is the part that sides only with death.

But what if death was something simpler? What if death could be embraced, not as the death of the physical body, but as the ending of a cycle? Or the end of suffering?

Like I discussed on the radio show with Cezarina Trone, death is a daily thing; a constant dance of change.

What if death could be a temporary passage to the beginning of a Life magical?

In my recent talks with women, I have learned the common story of how death wraps itself around us when change is on the horizon. We hide into our selves and think something is wrong with us, that we cannot survive, or that we are alone…

   …but death is nothing, if not a harbinger of change.

The larger part of us, that knows life, that embraces change, whether you call it God, Your Higher Self, or the Miracle, is what pulls us through to that other side of Life. Not just the “light at the end of the tunnel”, the consolatory image so often attributed to the “after-life”, but to the light of Life that exists always within us, right here and now.

Change is difficult, and surrender of the ego is harder. The ego wants us to cling to our old ways, to other people’s visions of us, to the bonds that tie us tightly to one another, to our old identities, and to conflicts  between disparate personalities/groups/countries.

But I have seen another light within me, within all of us, that holds us in balance at the worst possible pronouncement of death calling for us to crumble. No! we say from somewhere inside. NO! I will not pass away, not unto death, but to Life! To Freedom! To the Strength I didn’t know I had.

This death is harder – more contemporary. It is the death of what you once were, your illusions about your self. About what life is for.  And when you let go of that, you do not have death, you have something unchanging and new. A vision that swells and drips with purpose, that comforts you. It grows even as you rest. Even as the rain drips down from the balcony and the heavy curtains seem to close…

I champion those who are willing to go through this curtain;  who have the courage to cling, not to the ego’s grip, but to a new hand, a new day;  who have the courage to peek through the curtain to see the light shining back at them, the happy faces in the front row waiting for them, for You, to Rise.

This is your day. Become the ultimate Scene-Stealer. Bow only to Life.

*based on a study of A Course in Miracles.