This seems like a dirty word/phrase sometimes; “What can I do for You?” may seem altruistic, almost “old world”; a way of giving through self-sacrifice. Or its meaning is relegated to the service or hospitality industry. But what if “What can I do for You?” really is about You? What if in serving another you really do serve your Self, not just you, but the Whole?
We cannot live in a vacuum, a bubble, an island or any other such isolation tank. In other words, we cannot live for “ourselves” alone.
A barrage of information lately has led me to think there is a war going on between the philosophy of how to “make your dreams come true” and “noticing what is wrong in the world and making it right.” Between My Life and Our Life. I notice that even in some of the books I have read, some of the most spiritual “new age” manifestation materials on finding happiness (The Secret, The Law of Attraction etc.) we are being asked to focus on what we WANT instead of what don’t want. That makes sense. But what if what we want isn’t really what we need? How are we to know that? If we are the ones in this mess, if we are alone or in lack, if we are disconnected from our “brothers”, from humanity, how can we know that what we want will only serve ourselves and leave us empty? Are we really going to be happy when we get that house, or when we are more popular than Oprah? That is a fantasy. A wish. A desire. But is it coming from the right place?
Who are we listening to?
“We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them”
Albert Einstein
I am just noticing for myself that I have grown up a lot in the past 10 years. I did all those visualizations, I posted my sticky-notes and pictures on the wall. I said my chants of affirmations about my “ideal life” and I fantasized continually about their realization. Some of them came true. Others did not.
In the meantime, I had a life, I had a family, I had conflicts, doubts, discoveries. I clarified, I lied to myself and others, I pretended, and I parted ways. I came back again and tried for another day. I gave up my “ideas” and decided to discover something truly new, something I hadn’t thought of before. I learned from others. I gave up my idea of what was supposed to be true. I gave up attack against those who didn’t agree with me. I decided to try a different approach with my friends, partner, spouse.
“What can I do for you?”
This is really uncomfortable. I am used to thinking about myself. All the time! I have been incredibly selfish over the years, perfectionistic, obsessed with figuring out what I am supposed to do, how I can be better, happier, more successful, and and and….. all the while, there are people all around me looking for guidance, happiness, peace. Relief. Relief from the barrage of “What about me?”
I was called on it recently. And I argued that I do care, I do try. But I was wrong. I was still thinking small.
There is a relief in telling your story and being heard, and having someone care about your existence. There is a relief in caring about someone else for awhile. It makes us human, sane, and reach for something better. Not just for ourselves and our own pleasure, but for everyone around us. Perhaps even around the world.
What is it you really, really want? Underneath your surface concerns and desires?
Most people when put to the test really want love. That is all. When you’re down on your knees, you want your family, or your spouse. A child, a friend, a dog. You want somewhere to live that feels right, gives you comfort at night. You want to belong.
It’s really not so simple. We are constantly under attack, from ads, companies, people trying to fit that need with something better. Even from social media and the “new age” scene. Everybody has the answer. But nobody will admit what you don’t need. Whose going to tell you not to buy their product or take their course or adopt their philosophy?
What if for one day we stopped seeking answers for ourselves, and asked a better question: to whoever you belong to or aspire to serve: God/Source, your wife, community, child, friend or dog, or even the stranger down the hall…. even if it feels falsely altruistic, misguided, uncertain or scared…
Ask “What can I do for You?” instead.
And see the belly rise with relief, the eyes sparkle with their knowing response: “You did the right thing” or Thank You.
P.S. Giving to others or having a higher purpose does not mean you give up being who you are, or give up any of your material possessions, unless you want to . I love a good clearing out too! And I love to give things away. But it’s a mental shift. Maybe a physical shift. No one can tell you when it’s wrong. You just feel it. Only you will know when you got it right. And, you may sleep better at night.
Hey, Ms Krista: Wonderful question. Research actually shows that people who are in service to others or a cause are actually happier people so I would say, Yes, serving others is truly serving yourself. When I teach my “Inspiration from Contemporary Thinkers” course, we delve into this very question and I often see my students light up as they find something they have a passion for, explore the way their personal strengths along with that passion can act in service to humanity or the planet. Namaste. Deborah
Thank you Deborah! I missed this comment, but am glad you are here. It may seem obvious, but it is so easy to forget this as we live in our own minds and hearts. But when we give, we truly do give to ourselves. That is the greatest lesson of all. Would love to know more about what you teach as well. Thanks for commenting.
Krista