Monthly Archives: May 2012

In the Midst of Everything…

 

In the midst of everything… The sound of the sirens and the dog howling, and my reassurances to him that all is well….

And my daughter getting tucked into bed, nourishing a broken heart over girls who no longer want to be friends – her daddy reading her a bedtime favourite called, “Mr. Mischief” (from the Mr. Men series)…..

In the midst of the traffic light which turned as we rolled out of the pub after chicken wings and beer, a shady  hide-away from the light of day, and the music playing renewing my husband’s spirit…

In the midst of my grown teenage boy growing up even more, past me now, talking to his girlfriend on the phone…

And my own day of loneliness, touch, wonder, chaos and curiosity, what’s next, what can I grow…

I smell the lilacs in bloom, more sweet than ever, more luscious still than any springtime weather, and my hydrangeas hanging their heads with the promise there is more to bloom…

I hear the vacant stars and the moonlit sky calling to us to return to the evening calm as mosquitoes die and leave us alone…

In wonder, I return, again and again, to the seaside smell of wonder, the promise of never-after, but forever becoming, now still humming, wondering, promising, who, what, how and when…

Thank God for this constellation of stars, for this still-light moon, for this dancing array of the bottomless possibility we may find our way, of the heavenly knowing that no dew remains long as the sun returns…

I light my hands, every morning, skyward. I rise above the hasty habit of introspection and dry thought, I remember the chance to begin again, to stir, to ask the question, to reap the reward, to dance the floor boards

Oh my soul promises yet again, and never ever ends. Oh the promise is that I rise again, and again, and again. Never dying, always rising, crying, the surrender to what is.

Amen.

 

 

P.S. This is all about Letting Go…  How do you surrender?  How do you deal with the chaos of life?  I found my sweet spot in this spiritual surrender. How do you find yours?

Recognizing the Wonder…

Sometimes I don’t recognize the wonder of what I am doing.  As I am doing it, I am so absorbed in preparing for it, thinking about it, wondering about it – that rarely do I “get” the WONDER of it while it is happening. It is as if I am immune to my own greatness.  I don’t get it until someone reminds me, sees, recognizes, thanks me.

Isn’t that silly?

    In my women’s circles I witness time and time again women who are filled with great ideas, gifts and achievements, and inherent talents and abilities, who do not “see” with their own eyes, or “hear” with their own ears, just how amazing they are. 

What does it take for us to get it?

I have been working really hard to realize this for myself first. Even as I am going about my business, I stop and say:  “Krista, do you realize what you are doing? Do you know how amazing you are?”  I know that may sound a bit funny, or arrogant, to say this to myself, but I tell you it isn’t even close to the truth of the matter. We are more amazing than our tiny brains can conceive, than we will ever admit out loud or to ourselves.

And yet, I have great hope that things are changing…  We are changing.

Tonight I watched as women mirrored back each other’s greatness, re-affirmed each other’s gifts, recognized themselves in each other’s dreams, and validated each other’s greatest visions – as not only valid but “done” (meaning, ‘it’s in the bag’). Isn’t that amazing??

 Recognizing the Wonder…

This week as things unravel, and become more, as my life twists and turns, as I go farther away from shore – I look back for a moment – I breathe and relax – knowing this is sacred space I’m encountering.  This is valid and true. I made this. And yet – something greater, too.  I can’t take credit for everything – but I can recognize my part. I can recognize the wonder of  it all.  That I dreamt it up or was inspired to take action, and that someone listened and wanted to participate with me, to prosper, to create – and that now we are doing what was once only promised or possible. Now, reality.

That is how great life can be. What a wonder. What a joy!

Now, that I might recognize this wonder more often. Step back – and step into – the greatness that I Am.

And You!

Amen.

 

Love,

Krista

 

P.S. What do you recognize that’s great about yourself? What have you stepped into or become that you have not yet seen with loving eyes?  Do you have a champion to help mirror that greatness in you? If you do not, I would encourage you to find a circle, a friend, or partner who “gets it”, the wonder that is You.  

Mystical Waysayer: Show Me Your Garden of Chrysanthemums

 

What if I didn’t know who I was?
If I didn’t find my gemstone, my path, my lust?
What magic would pale at the sight of my magic dust?
What firmament of sand, of rigid pallor, of rust?

 

What if I never galloped on that horse?
Missed that dance?
Forgot to put the penny in the wishing pond?

 

The Miracle of Relationship

I’m just feeling so lucky today. I recently discovered in my business, the Miracle of Relationship. It seems obvious to say that relationships are important in our everyday lives (family, friends, kids), but being a lone wolf in business is no fun at the park.  I really miss the collaboration and insight that comes from another’s point of view. And so, this week I really went full-tilt boogie in exploring how I can partner with other women to bring more insight, more inspiration, and more love into the world.

My first perfect example is Stacey Coke, actress/model/friend. After sending out my last blog post, I received a series of impromptu video clippings from her iphone. She was natural, beautiful and raw in her honesty and insight. I absolutely felt stunned and grateful for her gift, and asked her if I could post it, which I did (see it  here).

Then I had the great fortune to speak to another bright and shining star (or shall I say Moon?) in Tina M. Games, a Moonlight Muse author and Life Purpose Intuitive, who, after speaking candidly with one another on the topic of “letting go”, invited me to formally interview with her next week for her Life Purpose Legacy series. I was honoured. Of course I said, Yes!

Yes is something I’m getting used to saying!

What does FREEDOM mean to you?

Freedom

Sometimes I don’t realize how lucky I am. I enjoy complete freedom:  to grow, to create, to spend my days in whatever way I choose (for the most part).  Not too many people can say that – even (ironically) the most ‘free’ citizens in the North-Western hemisphere.  Stress-levels and doctors’ bills aside, most would probably still defend having the right to work as a basic freedom. And I would agree.

But some days I don’t know what to DO with all this freedom. I feel my freedom is wasted, or misunderstood. Why do I have to fill up my days with endless tasks and parades of progress?

Are we REALLY FREE?

I work from home and travel on occasion, and I still feel the pressures of making a living, doing what’s right, making a difference in the world.  Most people I know go to work every day.  Whether it’s inside the home or outside, there are pressures inherent in each scenario.

There is still the ‘Game of Life” to play:  Money to make, children to raise, bills to pay, etc. etc… 

Young or old, rich or poor, are any of us completely free of worry and responsibility?

 

If I Were Really Free…

Try this at home:   “If I were completely free…  _________ ” (fill in the blanks.)

 If I were completely free, I probably wouldn’t be standing here! I would probably be in some altered spiritual state or universe in which I felt a deep release even from the things I cling to now.  I may still appreciate what I have now, who I am, and the people I share my life with. I may even enjoy the complexity (and stress) of my life.

BUT:

As long as we are human and appear to be separate from each other, regardless which hemisphere or state we are in (or as long as such labels exist), we are not truly free. We may feel free. We may act free. We may declare our freedom in the face of adversity. And in comparison to our suffering, it would surely be a giant step in the right direction.

We are still not truly free.

So what is freedom, then?!

Freedom is probably different for everyone. It usually means:

1. Freedom to do something

2. Freedom to become something

3. Freedom from something

 

I am very grateful for all of the above freedoms. I wouldn’t be writing this if I weren’t (I wouldn’t have the democratic & civil right to do so).

 

What Freedom IS

But for me, there is a deeper freedom I am aware of, that underlies everything I think I want.  It is beyond any divisions, castes, beliefs, demands, sacrifices, fears, compromises…


Freedom is Being.One boundless thought.  One true desire that springs from the mouth of the fire. 
When all goes up in smoke, freedom springs a leak and someone tries to keep it in but cannot.
Freedom cannot be contained. It cannot be annihilated. It cannot be sung.
It cannot be fought for and won.

Freedom just Is. It just boundless IS!

So if I have all this Freedom, what do I DO with it?

Well that’s an anomaly isn’t it?!  How can you DO freedom?! Haha!

I am guilty of this overwhelming desire to DO SOMETHING.  And maybe that’s OK, for now.  But maybe I just AM Free.  And while I’m “working hard at it” to enjoy this ‘freedom’, maybe I could let myself take a little time out to:

  1. Appreciate all I have now
  2. Give up trying to make more
  3. Enjoy the deeper freedom

Carol Oust: Woman Sleeping Under a Tree

(Makes falling asleep under a willow tree seem a whole lot more reasonable & inviting, doesn’t it?)

“Into eternity, where all is one, there crept a tiny, mad idea, at which the
Son of God remembered not to laugh. In his forgetting did the thought
become a serious idea, and possible of both accomplishment and real
effects. Together, we can laugh them BOTH away, and understand that
time can NOT intrude upon eternity. It IS a joke to think that time can
come to circumvent eternity, which MEANS there is no time…”

A Course in Miracles

 

>>What does freedom mean to you? Write to me below.

Stacey Coke’s video response: 

She says: “One has to be brave to truly embrace this kind of freedom. The freedom to be who you are.”

 

P.S. I went to the park shortly after writing this. A young father and his 2-year old boy were playing in the park. The joy of this was not lost on me.  The dogs chased each other. We talked happily and threw a ball. We glowed lowed in the Freedom of it all.

 

P.P.S.  After the dogs tired, my dog ran off and was about to stroll down a lane-way to a busy street. Do you think I let him go in the name of freedom?  Hell, no! I called that ‘bad boy’ back and put on his leash! 🙂

The Magic Toast, or “F**k It”

This morning my husband put a strange book on my Kobo. F**k It.  He figured I could use it – worrying too much, again.

“Do I really worry that much?” I asked.  He looked at me. “About what?”

“Everything.”

Wow. Have I really grown so little that I still care what other people think?  Yup. Still worryin’.

As author, John C. Parkin says, it’s time to say “F**k It” when you’re worrying about:

  •  How you look (good or bad)
  •  How successful (or not) you are
  •  the important people in your life: family, partner, friends
  •  making a difference
  •  money or lack thereof
  •  doing the right thing
  •  being reliable
  •  God/Buddha/Muhammad, etc.
  •  finding inner peace
  •  meeting deadlines
  •  not swearing in front of the children
  •  the gardening (or lack thereof)
  •  keeping up to date on the latest shows: American Idol, etc.
  •  being there for people when they need you
  •  having a nice car – or any car that gets you from A to B
  •  what other people think
  •  paying the bills
  •  doing what your boss wants
  •  doing what’s expected
  •  following the rules (who made these rules anyway??)

After reading about 3 pages of this book, which is refreshingly irreverent (I’m so serious and ‘reverential’ about everything, even the weeds), I had a mischievous look on my face. My daughter wouldn’t get up to go to school – again.

I thought of the book.

“Heather!  If you wake up right now, on your own, I will give you this magic piece of toast – with peanut butter and honey – and you will have the most fantastic, unexpected day!”

She didn’t buy it exactly, but she was amused.

Well, what would happen if you could do anything you wanted?” I said.  She perked up a bit.

“How?” she asked, dis-trustingly at first.

“Just answer the question. What if you could? What would you do?”

“I’d stay home.”

“That’s it?” I was looking for the big enchilada.

“Yup.” She rested her head on the chair as if to go to sleep again.

“Well, this is a magic piece of toast, so if you eat it, all of it, your day will be totally different than you expect. Only good things will happen.”

She took the bread and nibbled a bit. Then she asked the big question.

“Can I stay home, just until 9:30?  Pleaaaaaaaaaaase??”

Flip to half an hour later.  Heather and I are squeezed on a lounger in the backyard, the sun is coming up over her head, shining hard, and she has picked 3 dandelions, a fistful of  ‘forget-me-nots’ – which she asked “What are they called again, I can’t remember?” We had a good laugh over that.

I looked up at her soft face, the light diffused and yellow as a buttercup.  The air was singing with birds. The grass was a bit overgrown with dandelion heads waiting to come down. But that would happen later. Tomorrow.  Not Now.

 Because  NOW, my daughter and I are enjoying a Precious Moment.  I said “F**k It”. But she doesn’t have to know that.

 
P.S. Results of magical day?  Daughter made track and field team, found 2 four leaf clovers and 1 five-leaf clover (she said this was starting to scare her!), played a game of “guess it” with me and cooked us all supper – Yippeee!!

P.P.S. When my son came home and heard my adventure of sitting inside a real Gulf War tank (another story), he said, “Wooww, can I have some magical toast, too?” 

Sure.

So can You!

Blossoming in the Wilderness

My seeds have been planted long ago. As along a river bed, where spindly trees dip down and touch the water, and vast seas of bees and honey and wildlife sip and nest along the river’s edge, and a deep humming goes on behind in the forest that has been laid down long long ago – so too am I planted here, striking out from a field of  wild elderberries, untamed grasses, clover and dandelions…

Ready or Not

I’ve been doing a little humming and hawing lately about sharing my most recent ventures. I so want to share with you what is percolating within and without, but timing is everything, right?

Well, not really! Sometimes I find waiting is detrimental to the soul. And I find my greatest insight from sharing.

So, here it goes…