Life Became an Editing Room – Part III

Have you ever felt that you had awakened into another way of being? Something so earth-changing that you were never the same again, and had to start your life anew?   Continued from Meeting Your Soul Companions – Part II  of my Spiritual Soul Journey series. 

 

Part III – Life Became an Editing Room

 After I returned from New York in 2009, life seemed to return to “normal” for a while, hectic and crazy at times, then lonely and confusing.  I missed my new friend and needed to learn there would be more soul companions along the way.  We were still connected even if not on the physical plane.  I was not alone here, and this was just the beginning.

There was no question, God showed up on that beach to give us new direction and transform us to a higher level.  I could feel the vibration coming off my body and became more sensitive to loud noises or emotional disruptions of any kind.  I wanted to spend more time in nature, and stay connected and in harmony with this new source of Spirit and well-being. I had a deep sense of calm, even through the many storms ahead.  It was as if something else was navigating and I just wanted to follow it and surrender my life completely…     

I could not shake the feeling that something big had just happened to me, something irreversible.  Like God had opened my eyes and I could finally see;  like I was carrying supernatural forces of Love within me.  I felt awakened, alive and renewed, with a total change of heart and mind. I no longer cared about the same things that used to bother me – like pleasing other people, winning auditions, or making lots of money.  My old ambitions seemed to have left me for a while.  I was suddenly enraptured with a deeper sense of love and understanding, courage and purpose, and connection to those committed to spiritual growth and the bigger picture of humanity. 

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In the meantime, I had to carry on with life as a wife and mother, even though I felt like a different person…  This did not make it easy on my family or friends who were used to me operating in ways I always had.  Though they were supportive in all the usual ways, I couldn’t explain the deeper longing I had for Spiritual connection and purpose.  It was like I was speaking a different language and could not translate what my heart most wanted.  Yet, I was suddenly willing to fight for things I believed in, and risk disapproval, even from those closest to me who couldn’t understand at the time.  It was disconcerting to say the least, but very empowering.

Over the next year my life became an editing room. I was being edited down to my finest, most crystalline form. Everything else was tertiary.  I began to distance myself from my old world of acting, and lost interest in following up on “leads”, which felt thin and meaningless to me. I began to change what I was “putting out there” on my website, expressing myself more creatively with my own independent words and ideas, rather than waiting for or depending on the needs and intentions of others.  I no longer wanted to be directed by outside influences, but instead by that Internal Force, or Voice for God.   

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Those inner urgings and promptings led me to begin channeling new writings, poetry (Song of the Beloved: A Mystical Journey), and creative ideas that seemed to drop from heaven above – ideas to teach spiritual workshops which kept me up at night planning!

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But my old thoughts kept interfering as I struggled with a new way of being…

How was I going to function in the old world I lived in, while all this was going on inside of me?  

What would happen to my old life if I began to move in this new direction?  

Where was God really leading me, and could I trust Him?…   

I experienced waves of fear and doubt as I began to face greater uncertainty about the future.  I was afraid my old world would come crashing down around me as this new butterfly within wanted to fly off in a million directions…  

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It would take another miracle to focus my attention on a task, set my feet firmly on my path and give me faith in my new direction….

 

To be continued…

Back to Part II

Back to Part I

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