Why are so many women still unhappy?
Are we really so ungrateful for what we have and who we are, or is there some bigger fish to fry?
I feel this state of discontent that is completely un-understandable to most men I know. And when I talk about this state of relentless need or desire for change, most women get it. How come? And what do we do about it?
I’ve done the Feminine Power course with some dynamite women, and it seemed like I was looking in the mirror most of the time – most women, even highly accomplished women, feel this dissatisfaction with their current lives, no matter how fulfilling they appear to be. Some were unhappy for understandable reasons – let’s say they had not yet reached for something they really wanted to do, or they hadn’t found a partner to love and lived their lives alone. That can be difficult. But I have already done some things I’m proud of, not all, but some, and I do have a creative partner who wants me to succeed and be happy. So what’s my excuse? I even have the children I love and always wanted. I have a supportive family mostly and some very good friends. I am not alone.
And yet, most days I awake feeling… what am I doing? What’s next? Where do I come from and where am I going? All these fundamental, proverbial questions that won’t let me be for a moment. Never satisfied with what I’ve done. There always has to be more. Or different. Or better. It’s never good enough. I’m never good enough. I go back to old habits that keep me comforted while I fritter away the day trying to decide what to do next or what matters to me most.
No. This is not the way. I know this.
My faith lacks faith. And a plan.
I keep relying on wisdom that is unapplied. Meaning I know what to do but don’t do it. I just know when it’s good. When it seems to be working (ie., I feel happier).
But how do you keep it going? How do you keep moving in this new direction without losing your way and despairing all the time? Especially, especially, when you don’t know where you’re going. You only know it’s sort of like this, it kind of feels like that, it seems to come this way or that. But there is no ‘connect the dots’. No absolutes. It could all fall apart any minute.
Is this the road to happiness or the road paved with good intentions?
What miracle do I need now to fix my stare on the good, the true and the holy? What miraculous voice within me will steer me and cheer me on without delay? And will NOT go away?
It seems people can be argued with, but our internal self or Voice cannot. It simply quiets, presumably waits for us to stop clambering and climbing the walls.
“Hellooo…. Over here, this way!” Poor soldiers that we are, so determined to make things hard, so entrenched in our old patterns and beliefs.
Shift us, barricade us, blow us out of the water! Dry us off. Fasten us to your side waistcoat and never let us go. Guide us, deliver us, champion us. We all want a champion we can believe. Don’t we?
Sometimes it seems I am a child waiting for someone to tell me what to do. To give me an out, a game-plan, a goal, a guarantee. A rock that will not shift beneath my feet.
Is this possible? Wise? Profitable?
I sure as hell hope so. Cause it’s all I need. Call it a cop-out if you will, but if we knew what to do all this time, wouldn’t we have done it by now? And if we tried to do it and failed and then tried to make it again on our own and failed, maybe there is a better way. Maybe we are not as wise as we had hoped.
Women are strong. But often our strength lies in recognizing when we need a break, and when we need a hand. We are used to lending one, but it is harder for us to take one, grasp one hard and fast, and never let go. It is a hard lesson to grasp. But maybe, maybe, it isn’t so bad.
Maybe we haven’t failed, we just failed to understand what we need most of all. Faith not just in ourselves, but in our belief. That’s what We are here for. To understand for each other when times are tough, to lift each other up. To fasten our hands to those we trust and ask what good can come for all of us. Nothing makes us happy alone. We haven’t even really tried. We know it’s useless. But this, this is something new. What can we do with God or the Universe on our side, with Heaven at our feet, with wisdom in our hearts, and people joining hands in the streets? This all sounds corny but it isn’t. It’s downright true. It’s what I know, it’s what I believe. It may be embarrassing, it may make me feel like a crazy person sometimes, but there is no other way. Either I have my pride, or I have You.
Call it what you will.
I pick You.
