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Miraculous Self-Love Creation

This is an affirmation extraordinaire, one that washed over me like a giant realization, like a bright star, or a person standing in the middle of a river panning for gold and finding a golden nugget so powerful she wanted to share it with the world!

self-love

Do you ever feel like you have such a long way to go before you will ever be the person you want to be? Like your mistakes are who you are, and there is “so much more work to be done?”  Not too inspiring, huh!?!…..  🙂

Now consider this:  

Deep down you really are all that good that you suspect is true about you at the best of times, and that you have experienced in glimpses. And the LOVE inside of you never changes and is the only real thing going on…  

You don’t have to wait to have it all figured out before you can BE the LOVE that you ARE!

Even if you are not perfect, there is a part of you that is.  

This part is connected to everything that is good and true.  

It already knows what to do! 

But, knowing this is not enough. You have to access it and really FEEL it to GET it.  How?

To reach this part of you, try the following spoken-out-loud mantra (or positive affirmation), and adapt it to your own words until it resonates with a  big whopping YES! for you….

Time for a little SLC…   Miraculous SELF-LOVE CREATION!

Deeeeeep Breaths.  Put your hand on your heart and stand in strength. Speak these words (or vary) and really feel them until a new understanding starts to land for you….

THE LOVE INSIDE OF ME… IS REAL.

THE LOVE INSIDE OF ME…  IS ALWAYS THERE.

THE LOVE INSIDE OF ME… HAS NOTHING TO FIX.

THE LOVE INSIDE OF ME… KNOWS WHAT TO DO.

THE LOVE INSIDE OF ME… KNOWS WHAT’S NEXT.

THE LOVE INSIDE OF ME… IS EFFORTLESS AND FUN!

THE LOVE INSIDE OF ME… HAS ALREADY WON!

Repeat as many times as necessary and breathe it in until you can FEEL it in your body…. 

 hand_on_heart

Now, how does that feel?  

This is a huge Miracle of Self-LOVE just waiting to happen!  

Write to me and let me know how it affected you – you can write in the comments below, or send a message using the “Ask Krista” page above.  I would be happy to read your stories and share in the joy and FUN!  

Much Love with this Powerful Self-LOVE Creation! 🙂

Krista 

                                                                   The Miracle Is You

Miracle 25: “SHINE ON!”

For many years, and just a few moments ago, I realized I have been living with a myth that only certain things or people are “spiritual”.   There were those “on the path” and those who weren’t.  Activities that were “good” and those that were “bad”.  I even put down some of the things that gave me the most joy, like shining my light while acting, or singing, as ways to “get attention”.  That may be true, so what of it?

 

 Is it good or bad to shine a light on someone, give them a little attention, a little praise?  Is it wrong to go out with your friends and dance your socks off (or sandals, or heels?)

 

 

 

What is “Spiritual” and what is a “Miracle”?  Such heavy-weighted words, impossible to meet sometimes.  What if I said, as someone has said to me, that all things are spiritual – because the Spirit of Life/Source is in everyone and everything.  How could it not be?  Do you think the Spirit or Source that breathes in all of Life, that fuels the stars with their brilliance, whether gaseous energy or vast intelligences unseen, has chosen some things to activate and not others?

This is a real revelation for me, so pardon me while I explore it. I really want to “get” this because it’s implications could be mind-blowing!

What about having “FUN”??…  A word I often cringe at, yes, me.  I often look down on pleasure-seeking, even though I am the first one to shriek with glee as I come flying down a water-slide, or hang in the air with a friend on a para-sail (thanks, Lori T :).  Some of my most joyous moments are doing silly, crazy things that have nothing to do with being “Spiritual” or God-seeking. And yet, yet, what if those things were Divine/Spiritual/Good, too?

What if I truly haven’t gotten the truth of this message in all this time? Geez… could I be that thick?

Yup.

I admit sometimes I feel I’m channeling the spark of the Divine/Source/Light, and it feels truly sublime. But I also have to admit that sometimes I am channeling the divine, or some other kind of light-filled exuberant intelligence when I am dancing wildly and freely with friends, feeling the music, moving my body, sensuality becoming a true part of me and how I express myself.  I have often been told I am one of the most sensual people on the planet.  Why deny it?  🙂

OMG!

Denial is a trap.  I can deny the ego which seeks to destroy me with its negativity and worry, and cause separation and attack (I’ll get into that another time, doesn’t sound like much fun right now, does it? 🙂

But seriously.  When is having fun hurting anyone?  Except myself when I don’t allow it. Or judge it as foolish. Or hide myself away not allowing myself the ability to shine MY WAY, which includes:  sensuality, dancing, excitement, acting, singing, speaking, performing, being with others.  Endless ways to SHINE.

And what is all this SHINING for?  Well, in the moments when I shine,  a lightened door opens.  And I do not hesitate.  There is no thinking or evaluation going on. I am free. I have no judgement, no fear, no self-doubt, no comparisons to make. I am just LIVING on the ground floor and flying up the escalator, maybe through the ceiling, maybe mile-high, maybe!

Why do it?


 

 

 

Because IT MAKES ME HAPPY!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who knows what is spiritual and why. I know I am. And so are you, no matter who you are or what you think is right. We will all end up in the same place, and I dare say, we are all in the same place now, sharing this planet and this inner landscape.  If we weren’t, you wouldn’t be hearing it, and I wouldn’t be speaking it, and there would be no communication or agreement.  So, here we are.

SHINING…

Shining my light

 

What makes you shine?

What makes you shine/smile/feel elated? What brings out your best and worst (ie., read my judgement of “bad/wrong/naughty”) sides?  What makes you howl like the wind, or fly like an eagle?  What makes you mad as hell and happy as heaven?  (I am also told I am the sexiest when I am flaming mad about to pour out my wrath ;).

 

 

Why not let yourself SHINE for awhile? 

For all the world to see, your great escape, your magical twist on things, your multi-plex inner landscape. Your uniqueness. Whatever radiates from you is true, real and called for. It doesn’t matter what calls it forth, so long as it does.

SHINE ON! 

Please. Don’t deny it as I have done in the past.  I am asking myself, and you, to try on a new skirt, hat, sunglasses, expression. Or wild wings no one else can see.  Or a Mona Lisa smile.  Whatever that lighted gaze brings on.  BRING IT ON!

SHINE ON!

Your spirit sings. You are marvellous, like a lightning rod.  SHINE ON!  SING!  DANCE!  PLAY!  Say YES, for Goodness sake, and if you think you might be wrong/bad, give yourself a little room to BREATHE.

Aaaaahhhhhhh….

Doesn’t it feel good to be you?  To be given permission to let it all hang loose?

God knows, I need it.  I’ve gotten too good for my own good!

SUPER, SEXY and can SAVE the planet!

 

So what is a miracle?

Another way of putting it:  What does it mean to SHINE ON?  It means you are HAPPY, that’s all (that’s it??). Do whatever makes you  HAPPY, as soon as possible. Because without that, no one will see your smile, and be lifted to their own greatness.

And goodness knows, we could all use a little more of that. 😉

Learning How, and other Hat Tricks

Tonight my daughter was teaching me magic tricks, whilst she was making them up on the fly. Some she knew well and was proud of herself; others, she stopped and hung her head low. “I forget” she said, or “What was I doing that for?….” I knew what she was struggling with: self-confidence in learning something new.  She was so eager to present it all to me “perfectly” (and I did laugh and clap as a good audience would), but she knew she wasn’t there yet. There’s no faking that.

I feel the same way in my journey. I am just learning how to do things I never knew. I thought I knew because I’ve watched others do it. Or pretended to. I’ve read books about it. But when I stand up there, or speak, or sing, or whatever that “thing” is, I pause. Sometimes I will pause mid-sentence, or stop altogether. No, I didn’t want to say it like that. Can we try that again??

Right now I am learning to do video (for my website). I’m used to having a set around me, and others to do all the handiwork. Even when we were doing short films, others had the technical jobs. I just stood where I was told, and said my lines (that part was my responsibility and I delivered them well, I believe).  My job was to  “get out of the way”, and let them do their job. Find a quiet corner to prepare myself and let the rest take care of itself.  Not anymore!

I did my first technical setup the other day. I was quite proud of myself! It wasn’t perfect, I’ll tell you. But I was quite amazed what I could do by myself. I guess I have learned a few things! But the true test comes when I learn how to use it. What I will use it for.  Saying what really matters to me, that I want to share. That is the nail biter! Once it’s there, there’s no turning back. It’s time to go “on”.

Why do I want to try something new at this time? Why not just excel at what I’m already good at? Why not just keep doing commercials, or letting the “other guys” dictate what is going to happen to me instead? Isn’t it easier just to sit on the sidelines and hold my breath?

NO!

I’ve never been one to sit down on a challenge. In school I was the same. Always the overachiever. I couldn’t just sit back and slack off.  I had to know everything I could about what I was doing, and then I had to give it my all. And I did. A little too much, I think! But that pride in doing my best and outshining myself is something I’m used to. I”m not so good at being a beginner.

I know other women who tremble at the thought, when someone suggests that their natural talent at something might blossom into a business. “Who me?” or “Oh, that little thing?”  Such modesty hiding under the covers. I just want to rip them covers off! Pardon the image, folks. But it’s true. There is so much talent just waiting to be unveiled. But you have to say yes, I want to. I’m willing to. I’m going to take the next step.

If other folks believe in you, why can’t you? What is so hard about learning something new? Half the time, we’re already half way there – we’ve already got the talent, some skill, knowledge, will. What else do we need? Just courage. And a little time to sow our seeds.

Get sowing folks! Our field needs rowing. It’s hard work this planting and hoeing.  But oh! What a surprise, when that rich soil produces that tiny sight. We just want to peel over with delight, reach down in wonder at what our hands put asunder, that field of green has blossomed from YOU!

As my daughter walked away tonight, after doing about eight million hat tricks, I told her, “Don’t give up!  Remember, you did all that by yourself, but there are lots more tricks you can learn. You’ll get there! It takes a lot of learning!”  She seemed to take that in, at least I hope she did.

I hope I did, too!

P.S. Tomorrow I will give this video thing a whirl, and see where it goes. Forgive me my mistakes (I don’t have a blueprint), I’m just learning. But I bet it will be great, once I get the trick.  And I will, too!  And so can YOU!

P.P.S.What’s your latest hat trick?  What are you still struggling to get the hang of?  Have you started yet? I’d love to hear  about it below.  🙂

I Can Only Be Me

Today I have had a bit of a day. You know what I mean? I really can’t say I was happy today, and that bothers me. I have been so conscious lately of my effect on the world – meaning my little family, friends, work, what I can perceive as being around me. I don’t even realize all the ripples that go out beyond that!

No, today I feel like I failed at being me. Does that sound crazy, or what?! But it’s true. When you come in contact with your “best me” it is very hard indeed to fallback into the old patterns of “poor me”.  And it is very hard for others when we fail to deliver the best of what we can be.

All of us are human, and thankfully, that includes me. I have to remember that as I am walking uphill with my dog pulling me very hard from in front. Staggering to catch up with myself, grumpy and  mean, sad even.  I don’t need to explain. You know the feeling.

It doesn’t matter “why” we are sad, mad, very angry or even glad. What matters is that we recognize we are HUMAN after all. We are a SPECTRUM of varying colors and patterns. And although I loath to admit that I might be weaved into some undeniable shape or pattern, it seems to be. I fight it, I try to rework it, I struggle and want to tug and pull and tear it to pieces sometimes. But, it’s me. All of it.

Now, what is this pattern/shape/colour?  Is it real. Is it something to get all worked up about? Are our failings so important? Is our bad day really such a big deal? Or is it all surreal… A cloud over a darkened sky – an inconceivable darkness that just won’t seem to go away – all the while knowing that tomorrow is ‘another day’.

I know it is and will be. I have experienced the colours and shapes of my fabric on life, my ‘take’ that varies from day to day. These variations make it all the more obvious to me that I don’t really have a clear picture at all. That my moods and variations are really a seam, a division, a kind of separation.  I don’t see what is behind me or before me, above me or below  me.

I don’t really see.

This is good news!  Like a giant sleeping in the grass, who doesn’t know how big he is until he stands. All he sees is the tiny grass waving in his hands and the dark and scary night.  He has  no idea that he is surrounded by a tiny world in great need of what he brings. His strength, his power, his gentleness.

the unhappy giant

Yes, even a giant can be kind, though he may appear to be quite grumpy to those running beneath his feet.

Haley Flies Through the Mountaintops

1400 miles. 6 days. Up the Pacific Coast and down the interior of Southern CA.  What does it matter where we stayed and what we did? This isn’t a travel blog. It’s a “course” in miracles.  What did I learn? Let me attempt to recreate.

Every time we got on the road I had an “anticipation”.  A deliberate expectation that formed in my mind unconsciously, but undeniably formed like  a phantom waiting for me at the next gate.  When we stopped to search, we inevitably found a new way. Our “radar” was on, our GPS loaded. We had a destination, after all. But the in between was unsettling at times.  I had to let go.

The long stretch of road, the flowering weeds, the smell of wheatgrass and mountain air. There was a wide openness out there. Something that couldn’t be seen or controlled. The road may wind one way, but our minds go another. We “think” we know where we’re going, but we never do.

Sometimes I would drowse. Sometimes I would take the wind in my hair. Sometimes I would eat and fidget in my chair, sometimes I would take the driver’s seat…

[slideshow]

Video of my mountaintop drive coming soon…

We were coming back to the coast after a long trip up and through San Fransisco. We had barely stopped for a rest. We found this little way back unexpectedly, not the highway, but the bi-way through the mountaintops. The  most scenic route on the map.  Steve asked if I wanted to drive. I hesitated.  Something in me knew. When I took the wheel, my lazy, numb-brained “along for the ride” self suddenly shifted into full awareness, out of the dream and into the bright landscape of trees, dust, and curves. I felt every bend, my eyes fully fixed on the road. My breathing controlled and smooth, my mind entranced with what I could do, elated at my sudden rush of power, confident in my handling at the wheel, amused by my “passenger” squirming a little in his seat, amazed at my ability and nerve.  This excited me further.

I had changed from nervous passenger glowering over mountaintops, to fully-alive, fiery Mountain Woman toppling the great unknown.
 
Slow cars pulled over.  I was riding with the Harleys.
 
Adventure was in.  Fear was out.  All hats were off!
 
The mountain which had previously threatened me now held me perfectly.

Haley was flying through the mountaintops*.

* See Haley Sings to the Mountaintops and Special Edition: Haley’s Comet Anniversary & Me .

How did I assimilate this experience into the rest of my trip? Every moment was a new moment to let go. Let go of expectations. Of what hotel to stay in. Or what tomorrow will bring. Let go of “I want it this way” or “I can’t do that”. Let go.  Every day is a day to take the driver’s seat. That doesn’t mean you boss the world around or know exactly what to do. But somehow, in the moment, as the road presents itself, and the general destination looms over the mountaintops, you know what to do.

Just drive.

P.S. The last morning as I was lying in bed thinking about what I still wanted to do, I roused my partner and ordered him to the car. “I want to swim in the ocean.” I said powerfully. He listened. We drove in our bathing suits and parked on Venice Beach, a few miles away from our quiet sanctuary in Marina Del Rey. The water was too quiet for me today. I needed the ocean to stir my appetite.  We bounded into the waves. It was cold. I didn’t care. It was 8:30AM and the only other person was a surfer in full body suit. Our skin was naked against the salty air.  I wasn’t satisfied until I soaked my hair. Crazy gangly sea-things washed up against my leg and I shivered and jumped.  I went farther, dipped down, then up and away! riding the last wave…

How can I push the envelope this minute? What can I do differently? What will scare me a little and make me wake up? That is how to stay ALIVE.

Thank you California, and Marina Del Rey. Highway 33, 105 and Tulare. Marilyn Monroe in Santa Maria, and the elephant seals in Morro Bay. There is so much more to say. Maybe I’ll get around to it, maybe someday.

In the meantime, I’ll drive my way.

 

P.S. Here’s the video of my mountaintop drive, for those of you who aren’t too squeamish!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvKxA7Ifo44. Enjoy!

 

California Dreamin’

This is the first post in a series I will be writing “on the road” in CA. I am sitting here at our first landing spot in Del Mar, south of LA, north of San Diego. But let me take a step back to yesterday, our first true day on the “job”.

I awoke feeling a little sick. Not how I wanted to feel on the day I would be boarding a plane to California, a state I had barely seen in my moment with the Mojave nine years ago. I still had the lavic rock I had scooped up there, and the memory, but I wanted to experience so much MORE…

I had been dreaming of this trip for a very long time. Through my acting life, of course, but also as a person just wanting to “go there” and “be there” in that light, that beautiful garden space coastal beauty ride. We had also been dreaming of doing our Pacific Highway 1 coastal drive for over ten years. And now, here we are….

BUT FIRST!

ugh

I boarded the plane, praying the nausea would go away. I had been up the previous night, too excited to sleep, as usual, before a big trip. And with so much to do that day, my mind was buzzing with it. I had gotten the Book out, finally! And I had completed my 30 days of miracles the week before.

I was buzzing with Life.

I also realized before I even got here, that what I imagined of LA (or any other place) would be different from the “Dream” I held about it as a kid growing up mooning over  the “Oscars”, or as an aspiring actor hoping for the “Big Break”. That “LA trip” long anticipated for auditioning and film work has been preempted by MORE. (MOORE?! 😉

I HAVE ARRIVED!!

Here I Am

We rented a Ford Mustang convertible for the trip, which awaited us in the blazing hot sun of an LA parking lot. I was grumpy as usual when hot, and made no apologies for it. I gloried in my crabbiness, my post-flight crankies.  The Diva had arrived!  Ah, it was hot in a jet black car. But thank God for cloth seats!

wohooo!

Where is my Big Floppy Hat and sunglasses?…  I’m working on it!

There is so much more to say about our first day and last night with our new friends Carlos & Claudia, but my big black car beckons, and a fidgety husband who has 6 days to show me all of Southern CA.

Gotta get trippin’! on the big ride to “Who Knows Where …” 🙂

TO BE CONTINUED…..

Universal Language

I felt inspired tonight to write about a not-so-big moment that had a big impact on me and  my daughter.  After a long and wonderful weekend with family, I was walking my daughter and dog to a local park up north where we were staying. It so happened that an Eastern European community of families was picnicking in the park, though it was still open to everybody.

My dog was pulling like a madman to smell all the sights and sounds. My daughter was riding her bike precariously over the bumpy grass, weaving in and out of late afternoon lunchers with blankets, the late day sun shining on their faces. An old Eastern European woman looked up at me curiously.  Her eyes squinted in the sun, her hair tied behind a brown kerchief.  I smiled, but wasn’t sure if she smiled back. I continued on, transplanted in another timezone, hearing the brushings and sweepings of a foreign tongue all around me, shaking my usual sensibilities.

understand me

I watched the people’s at-ease body language, admired their communal play, and heard their spontaneous song.

A very pretty young woman with a baby jammed a melody while her cohorts softly played guitar. Her voice sent a high anthem across the park. Stunning. I wanted to say something, but was shy at first, remember?  I felt like we were unexpected guests at an intimate party.

But, something in me spoke:  this was an opportunity to teach my daughter, and me, something important.

I sat at a bench near the playground, controlling my wayward dog. A young man and his mother-in-law sat beside me. His wife was off with three lovely daughters on the swings and monkey-bars.  My daughter eyed them uncomfortably but with longing. The other little girl eyed my daughter with a similar stance and a silent invite to play.

I finally spoke to my daughter, “Go, Play”.  She held back, waited. “No,” she said worried, “she speaks a different language.” Inspired, I told her, no…

“You speak a universal language:  smiling, saying Hi, and laughter.”

She seemed to take that in, but still didn’t move.  The mother-in-law admired my daughter and in a secret language seemed to encourage her to go.  The other little girl came closer, holding herself shyly with the sweetest of smiles.

“OK, that’s it” I said sternly to my stubborn one, “Now GO.”  She finally gave in and went. We watched them slowly come together and play.

Before we knew it they were jumping and swinging together on a shared landscape.

I slowly approached the group of musicians.  I smiled a couple of times to no effect. They were completely absorbed in what they were doing. I wanted to join in, or say, “Wow, you are so good. Can I listen in?”  But I seemed to lack the language, and the nerve.

I went out of view for a moment. I said internally to myself, and to the universe…

We are all one. We belong together. One day we will all know it. You hear my intent. You know what I am saying.  All is well here.

Although they didn’t seem to respond to my “words”, I felt a calm acceptance of what-is. As I walked back to get my daughter, I watched a grandfather pushing his grandson wildly on a swing. The little one squealed in delight. And the grandfather laughed, too.

“See.”  I said to myself and them. “I understand you perfectly.”  In that moment, there was no war, and all was happy.

P.S. As my daughter climbed back on her bike, she told me how she met a girl today who speaks a different language, but they became friends. She said it matter-of- factly, and with hidden sadness, that they would likely never see each other again.  I told her you never know. She told me of other friends she had met for only one day whom she later forgot about. I reminded her, “But you do remember them. You are still friends. You are remembering them now.”

It seemed she had not only met a foreign friend she could understand, but remember too, and maybe even love. (But that is for another day). She smiled, satisfied with herself, and rode away.

Morning Calls

I just felt like writing to you this morning! What a gorgeous Monday morning (I can hardly believe I said that). But it is. My dog just found his way downstairs after a lazy nap, and is now staring at his plaything, and sniffing a shoe. Just getting ready to move from sleep into action. Like me. It’s 8 0’clock, and “All’s Quiet on the Moore Front”. There is no enemy hovering over the hill, only the sun rising up over trees dancing in the breeze. So lovely!

What are you doing this morning?

I swear I just saw a monk passing the entrance to my driveway, or a woman brightly dressed in brilliant orange robes, sandals on her slow-moving feet.  This vision reminded me of travel, of worlds beyond this one. Where I see, smell and hear everything new…

morning walk

I will be going to California soon, for the first time, with my husband. Though I cheat, I have been there before, if only for a moment: getting out of the car (coming down from Nevada) into the Mojave Desert, five months pregnant, standing in the hot and silent sun, a cave of inner listening. I picked up  a rock there, a black lavic looking rock which was warm in my hands. I could only hear my breathing, and the hot air just hanging there and the sound of my feet in the sand. It was as if my own heart was beating the world into existence. I kept that rock as a talisman.

I am looking forward to rediscovering California from the eastern coastal ride up Highway 1…  San Diego….  Santa Monica…. LA (briefly, but must see the basics!)…. Carmel… maybe a mission or two… and then San Fransisco where I will meet my lovely ladie(s) that I have been talking to for over a year. I can’t wait to meet you (you know who you are).

My inner world is changing too. I no longer feel worried all the time as I used to. I feel an inner calm, of being in charge of my own destiny. And Grace too.  It’s magic, and it makes me giggle at times! (A wicked kind of giggle, my husband says).

Ah…. what can I share with you?  That is what I think now.  What can I be today that I haven’t been or done before. What is new. I feel that call now, pulling me to something greater, that beautiful, magical feeling that life is better than OK. It is not to be resisted or lamented. It is to be taken in, held and created like a warm ball of life, like that hot lavic rock melting in my hands.

Everything succumbs eventually to the sound of silence, to the sound of the primordial Yes.

I hear my call. I more than accept.

What is calling to you?