Tag Archives: fear

Loving Yourself Through Doubt

I was born a happy baby.  Pretty curious, demanding, smiling and screeching if I didn’t get what I was wanting: another mouthful of the good stuff.   I used to sing songs in the bathroom mirror and ham it up for the camera at a pretty early age.  My smile was infectious and I loved the attention.  It was natural for me to be this way.  As Lady Gaga says, “I was born this way.”

When I was about 10 we moved to a new city and school, and a teacher told me I was a scatter-brained, and I was told to go sit in the corner. I was unsure of myself, angst-riden and cried myself to sleep at night.

These stories or programming teach us to either believe in ourselves or not, to either voice our opinion and desires, or stuff them down.  I chose to voice most of mine, but there was always a niggling fear that if I got it wrong, I would fail and be sorry.

When I was a teenager I went out of my way to succeed at all things I chose to do, mainly academics and story-telling.  Praise from a few good teachers kept me on a high wire of success and achievement which I still don’t regret, because even though it was hard sometimes, it was also how I loved to be, and what I wanted to put out in the world:  I wanted to express myself, explore ideas and be bold and unique in my creations.  I did that and it felt wonderful.

Later in early adulthood, due to programming and circumstances, as the “real world” settled in”, I learned to quiet it down a bit, and do as I was expected, go to university, get married, skip the trip to Europe and take the scholarship instead. I was also influenced to take a business-focused program, instead of a purely arts program.  This I only partially regretted because although I wasn’t happy doing it, being in the corporate and IT world did provide me with a career and the ability to earn a living while I was still in school, giving me both independence and confidence.

Then I hit a wall. With a baby in tow, a promotion at work, and heavy commute, I had given up  more than enough  in my pursuit of pleasing and doing, and needed to recalculate.  My doubts resurfaced, but this time more as urgent requests and desperate cries, than hopeless worries.  I knew I had to do something now or I would lose that wonderful little girl who already knew what she wanted and who she was. I made some new choices and slowly moved out of an old life that was no longer serving me well.

Hey, I'm sexy AND I can save the planet

 

My 30s were all about creating new possibilities with what I had, and resurrecting some old dreams that I had given up long ago.  I moved to the city, found a new partner who shared my values, and lived on my own for awhile. I joined the theatre, took singing lessons and joined a cover rock band just for fun. Then I started acting, writing, investigating my spiritual pursuits, building community and sharing my message with more and more.  I realized it was not too late to do anything I wanted. I could change my life and I held the power to create anything I desired. And it was a lot of fun!

 

Now in my 40s I find the lines and streams of my life connecting to where I am today:  what was the purpose of all those different experiences, diversions, skills, assets and achievements? Breakthroughs and possibilities? Natural gifts and talents? What can I do now, as I hold more power than I ever thought possible?

I find it humbling to go through so many changes and growth spurts and still feel doubt and fear sometimes.  The desire to get it right, not make a mistake, and not be miserable doing what I don’t want to do, is still with me in some way.  I have spent the last week or so working on some of those old blocks and fears, doubts and complaints.  The little girl in me is quiet, but the adult must give her time to speak.

What do you want, sweet one?  What do you most want to create? How do you want to speak through the window of your own desire and reach the world with your well worn hands and scratched up face?  Aren’t you precious for reaching so far, for trying so hard and for falling once or twice….  Aren’t you remarkable for your resilience and determination, your purity and non-judgement, your willingness to do anything?  I love you for who you are, for who you want to be, for the girl, woman and being you are today.

Never give up on the knowledge that you can change anything and become who you really want to be. I have spoken to those who felt it was too late, and told them my story of how I climbed out of misery and depression, living in a far away town away from everything I desired, and starting all over at the age of 32. I am still evolving and changing. I am never done! So take heart and take great care, with that giant baby and wonderful creation you are.  Never doubt that you can live the life you desire. That you are not alone. And that where there is a will there is a way!

Amen.

Krista Fall EW 2012

 

 

 

 

 

Love,

Krista

P.S.  What does your little one want or need? What did you believe about yourself at your highest and most loved moment? Do this for yourself right now and ask yourself what you need to move forward. Let’s bust through doubt and find truth, clarity and hope – and MOVEMENT (and lots of it!) 🙂  Write your breakthroughs and “what’s true” about you below.

Miracle 6: “Answering the Call”

Miracle 6 in Krista’s “30 Days of Miracles 2012” Series.

I was just going about my business, worrying about business, thinking of how I should be doing things and why I’m not doing them that way – when I got a “Grace Interrupt”.  A call for help.  One person raised their hand and said “I need help. Please, help me.”

If you are listening, here is my honest response to your question.

It is a war in the mind.  I have been battling for some time. You are not alone in your struggle to be free. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t struggle with this in some way. You may be alone, or feel alone, but you are not. I have been on calls and in workshops and I know based on what comes back to me that I am not alone in my “dis-ease”.  Fear is a collective problem, and loneliness, too.  It cannot be solved alone. It has to be healed, together.

Peace is possible, but it always comes with connection. You have to take the first step.

But that doesn’t solve your problem, does it?

What does?  Hearing this from a friend…

I love you

I believe in you

I want you to be happy

I’m here for you

You are safe

You will never be lonely again

There are people who understand who can help

I’m one of them

I want you to find your way

What do you need?

What are you missing?

How can I help?

I’ll give you encouragement

I’ll invite you over

I’ll listen

Don’t give up

You’re not alone

It’s going to be OK

You are enough

 

I am sending you love. I know I am not the only one who will, as others see this, and send theirs too. Your miracle is going to happen.  It is waiting for you.

Much love,

Krista

10 Ways to Transform from Fear to Love

This is an article I wrote as Miracle 4 for my “30 Days of Miracles” trekkers.  

We all get scared. That’s why there are so many ways to solve it. I have compiled my favorites into one convenient place.  Pick what strikes you, or write your own. Then put them on your wall!

 

1. SING, HUM, DANCE. That’s right. Nothing like looking silly to get you out of your head and into the present. Singing and humming short circuits negative thought and connects you to your spirit, bringing you into balance with renewed energy.  If you want to really lift your spirits, do a little jig, flash mob dance or mambo!  No one has to see. And if they do, who cares? Maybe someone will join you!

 

 

2. JUMP IN! 

Geronemoooh!

Geronemoooh!

 

3. WRITE IT DOWN.  All of it. Everything going on in your head until you feel a slight twinge of hope, a feeling of an “answer”, even a breakthrough.  Even if you write down a few words of gratitude to end your thought, you will feel slightly better that you vented, got it out, and invited something good in.  Journaling is a sacred act. You are talking “to” something, whether it is yourself, an imaginary friend or a higher power

Krista writing in California

Krista writing in California

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. TELL SOMEONE YOU TRUST Vent to another – a friend, therapist, support person. Ask for guidance, support, or just a listening ear without judgment. Talk or cry it out. Receive praise, clarity, love.  Baring your soul to another person or in a circle is a sacred act of trust.  Your vulnerability, when poured out in a safe place, in a safe relationship, will transform your heart and mind (and the world!

California Santa Maria Day 2 020

 

5. PRAY/Steve praying for more beerMEDITATE. Light a candle. Unburden yourself. Let the “income” flow through your breathe and feel your body and mind calm. Inspiration may come to resolve it. If not, have a bath, or curl up in bed. The light will come. Sometimes all you need is to detach and rest.

 

 

 

6. TAKE ACTION.  Make a promise you’re going to do something about it. If not right now, when? Make that call, pay the bills, whatever it is. Just do it as soon as possible and be done. Cross it off your list. Take the next step. You’ll feel instant relief like a plane that finally has lift off!

 

7. GO FOR A SENSORY WALK.  Walking or moving meditations out in nature can lead you back to the centre of yourself. Ask a question. Then listen. See, smell, hear, touch, FEEL. Let the answers come to you, spill into you. Be cradled in what is, and let go of what is not. Your mood will be lifted, with sunlight, wind, sea or storm. Immerse yourself and be transformed.

8. FIND A MORE POWERFUL THOUGHT. Start where you are. Don’t fight yourself. Just reach a little higher. The more positive and hopeful (yet still believable) words & feelings you can reach for, the higher your spirits will rise.  You will know when you’ve hit it: You will feel it in your body!  Try a new “I AM” statement. E.g.  From “I am nervous/afraid…” to:    “I am capable and strong. I Will figure this out.” 

 

9. LOVE SOMEBODY ELSE.  If you can’t “get it” right now, give it.  Try your best to give love and joy to another. Trust that the universe has something good to move through you, and that you are good, no matter how badly you feel.  Give a little, and the whole world will smile on you. The miracle is in realizing you are the same as everybody else. You are not alone. Everybody needs love. When you give, you receive. That is the miracle of love.

 

 

10. GO FROM SCARED INTO  S-A-C-R-E-D. It doesn’t take much to realize how holy you are. When you feel scared, look for something sacred to focus on. It could be a religious symbol, a hopeful sign in nature, an animal, a child, or your own innocence.  Wear your holy crown for a day, knowing you are safe and protected, deserving and loved.  Communicate with angels. Trust you are not alone. The sacred is within you, always accessible, always loving. Nothing can take that away from you.

 

 

Krista Moore is a professional actress, prolific writer and published author, and featured speaker/host/facilitator, dedicated to authentic self-expression and spiritual transformation.  She is the creator of “Evolutionary Woman” Workshops and Circles in Toronto and worldwide, and “30 Days of Miracles”.

 

Copyright ©2012 Krista Moore

 

Miracle 3: “Letting Go of Fear”

Here is my confessional booth. STEP RIGHT UP! 🙂  Oh, pardon me, that’s me in line – looks like I’m going first.

 

Part of my journey has always been laden with fear. People often look surprised at me in my workshops when I own my fear. They may think if someone is stepping out into their greatness and shining a light, that there is no darkness going on inside. Well, there is in mine! All the time.  That is one of the most confusing and humbling parts of my journey. Each time I step out, I don’t think I can do it. Or I know I can, but it scares the *&^%$ bejeezus out of me.

What makes me sane, when I step out and do something I’ve never done before, is keeping it real with the people I love, and even the new people I am learning to love who may or may not love me. That’s scary!  Looking out at those faces and having no clue what any of them are thinking, yet opening my mouth and ‘spilling the beans’ – the good, the bad and the ugly – is a huge leap of faith. Vulnerability.

I wish there were an easier way. And believe me, I pray. But there isn’t. You  just have to do it anyway.  I love Susan J. Jeffers’ book, “Feel the Fear, and Do It Anyway” and Gerry G. Jampolsky’s “Love is Letting Go of Fear”.  These books are part of the reason I stepped into acting.  As well as my husband, who kept believing in me in spite of my fears and insecurities!  I would lie awake at night nervous before every gig, no matter how many I got. Every day was new, different somehow.  Each opportunity stretched me a little further to grow. And when I stopped growing, I knew it was time to move on to the next challenge.

That’s the weird part about me. If I’m not a bit nervous (or terrified) about something, I go a little crazy. I have to be doing something new, creating something exciting out of the ethers.  (And then I’m kicking myself for putting myself through so much change!) But each time I do, there is inevitably a moment like this one:

Staring into a circle of women, their faces soft and lit with light, love, giggles or tears. Broken open by what we are doing there.  I feel so in love with all of them, with the process of creation, with sharing, with their vulnerability, with caring. I feel broken open, too. My heart is full. Filled with gratitude. I have done this, and yet, I have not done this. I allowed it. It flowed through me. I gave my best. And they – they gave their all, too.

Isn’t life a miracle?

 

Here is an AUDIO: The 3 Layers of Letting Go I prepared for my women’s circle that I would like to share with you. It is all about the miracles of letting go: letting go of fear, and allowing the love, light and flow of something new.

I hope you enjoy it and let the miracle come through you!

Thanks for listening.

Krista

The Miracle Is You

 

Confession booth open 24/7 in the Comments field below. What fears nag you? And what miracles have seen you through?

The Buzz of Adventure

I watched a documentary on Nostradamus tonight. I am a sucker for historical documentaries, and I love a mystery. But it didn’t have the same effect on me as it would have in the past. I was not afraid. I suppose it is easier to believe in death and destruction, to watch the news and chastise each other. But I won’t tonight. I’m not at war with myself anymore. Right now, peace fills my mind. If it takes forever to get it, that’s all it takes to make up this mind.

As we witness to so much fear and insecurity in this world of chaos, we adventure to know ourselves better, to build new life based on truth, not dire warnings and “facts”.

It is spring in the minds of many, who see fall not as end, but beginning.  The rays of the mind’s day keep me warm at night, buzzing with new adventures and life.

There is no war in ourselves, we are safe to explore. No dynasty to pursue. Only what’s true. The traveler’s path is wide. Our knowledge may be thin, but our collective wisdom vast. We must not go it alone, but venture together if we are to find our true path.I feel the heart’s passages in the heart’s mind, written for all time,  just in time, in no time at all.

We are on this path. We wear our backpacks bouncing with promise (and pens!).  We chant hymns. We seek the sky at night. We foresee great adventure and everlasting joy.

This may be an idealist’s story, but my vision is not just my own. It surfaces everywhere in the collective mind. It is the eternal ray of light, not of fire but of Life.

I feel the buzz of New Life crackling out of the old. Whatever has been saved is now mine to hold. Much like with archaeology or ancestry, the old is not forgotten or denied, but something new shines forward. It has to. That is our job now. Our collective cradle if you will. Ironically, it is the most solid stance from which to begin.

We are fortunate to live from this place. To have the permission, the passion, the fire in us that won’t go away. I am stirred to be the one to tell it, sing it, believe in it, shape it and mold it into being. I am grateful to share it with those who want it more than anything that has gone before. To open that door… That is all we are up to. That is all any of us, if we are honest, really wants anymore.

Ahh, to take up permanent residence through the Heart’s door.

Mmmm…… Isn’t it sublime to be You at last?

I Can Only Be Me

Today I have had a bit of a day. You know what I mean? I really can’t say I was happy today, and that bothers me. I have been so conscious lately of my effect on the world – meaning my little family, friends, work, what I can perceive as being around me. I don’t even realize all the ripples that go out beyond that!

No, today I feel like I failed at being me. Does that sound crazy, or what?! But it’s true. When you come in contact with your “best me” it is very hard indeed to fallback into the old patterns of “poor me”.  And it is very hard for others when we fail to deliver the best of what we can be.

All of us are human, and thankfully, that includes me. I have to remember that as I am walking uphill with my dog pulling me very hard from in front. Staggering to catch up with myself, grumpy and  mean, sad even.  I don’t need to explain. You know the feeling.

It doesn’t matter “why” we are sad, mad, very angry or even glad. What matters is that we recognize we are HUMAN after all. We are a SPECTRUM of varying colors and patterns. And although I loath to admit that I might be weaved into some undeniable shape or pattern, it seems to be. I fight it, I try to rework it, I struggle and want to tug and pull and tear it to pieces sometimes. But, it’s me. All of it.

Now, what is this pattern/shape/colour?  Is it real. Is it something to get all worked up about? Are our failings so important? Is our bad day really such a big deal? Or is it all surreal… A cloud over a darkened sky – an inconceivable darkness that just won’t seem to go away – all the while knowing that tomorrow is ‘another day’.

I know it is and will be. I have experienced the colours and shapes of my fabric on life, my ‘take’ that varies from day to day. These variations make it all the more obvious to me that I don’t really have a clear picture at all. That my moods and variations are really a seam, a division, a kind of separation.  I don’t see what is behind me or before me, above me or below  me.

I don’t really see.

This is good news!  Like a giant sleeping in the grass, who doesn’t know how big he is until he stands. All he sees is the tiny grass waving in his hands and the dark and scary night.  He has  no idea that he is surrounded by a tiny world in great need of what he brings. His strength, his power, his gentleness.

the unhappy giant

Yes, even a giant can be kind, though he may appear to be quite grumpy to those running beneath his feet.

3. The Death of the Ego

Inner Light

When we talk about death we often talk about the physical body. But that has been the least of my experience. Yes, I have been through death: death of a mother/father figure, death of an aunt, death of nearly all my grandparents, two dogs and a cat, not to mention the young ones on the periphery, those who I didn’t know well, but touched me still. And those in war-torn countries whom I’ve never met. I feel them all.  But death is not just that.

Death is of the ego*

In my understanding, the ego identifies with the body to separate itself and create a separate identity. It can be special, definitive and alone.  The ego is that part of ourselves that is not aligned with life. With communion. It is the part that sides only with death.

But what if death was something simpler? What if death could be embraced, not as the death of the physical body, but as the ending of a cycle? Or the end of suffering?

Like I discussed on the radio show with Cezarina Trone, death is a daily thing; a constant dance of change.

What if death could be a temporary passage to the beginning of a Life magical?

In my recent talks with women, I have learned the common story of how death wraps itself around us when change is on the horizon. We hide into our selves and think something is wrong with us, that we cannot survive, or that we are alone…

   …but death is nothing, if not a harbinger of change.

The larger part of us, that knows life, that embraces change, whether you call it God, Your Higher Self, or the Miracle, is what pulls us through to that other side of Life. Not just the “light at the end of the tunnel”, the consolatory image so often attributed to the “after-life”, but to the light of Life that exists always within us, right here and now.

Change is difficult, and surrender of the ego is harder. The ego wants us to cling to our old ways, to other people’s visions of us, to the bonds that tie us tightly to one another, to our old identities, and to conflicts  between disparate personalities/groups/countries.

But I have seen another light within me, within all of us, that holds us in balance at the worst possible pronouncement of death calling for us to crumble. No! we say from somewhere inside. NO! I will not pass away, not unto death, but to Life! To Freedom! To the Strength I didn’t know I had.

This death is harder – more contemporary. It is the death of what you once were, your illusions about your self. About what life is for.  And when you let go of that, you do not have death, you have something unchanging and new. A vision that swells and drips with purpose, that comforts you. It grows even as you rest. Even as the rain drips down from the balcony and the heavy curtains seem to close…

I champion those who are willing to go through this curtain;  who have the courage to cling, not to the ego’s grip, but to a new hand, a new day;  who have the courage to peek through the curtain to see the light shining back at them, the happy faces in the front row waiting for them, for You, to Rise.

This is your day. Become the ultimate Scene-Stealer. Bow only to Life.

*based on a study of A Course in Miracles.

Day 19: Gratitude, My Tiny Listless Friend

beloved

beloved*

This is what came to me while silencing the creeping need to fret away the time…  a moment of grace in a busy day.

GRATITUDE

I am exposed
Half  hairs showing
Fingernails too long
Guff and scarred
But still growing
I am not a mystic warrior
With supporters beckoning from behind
I need to assert myself
Delve in
Not mistake countenance
for sustenance
 Not for a moment forsake
The purpose I am here.
 I need to keep going
Offering up
Hands bent back and afraid
– And  yet –
The frightened stares of my intellect
Are no match
For my tiny, listless Friend.

Why is this called gratitude? It occurred to me too. A little strange, but somehow true. All that chaotic intellect shining and getting in the way; all the competing voices yelling this way – no, that-a-way! All the uncertainties with puffed chest standing in the way…

And yet, this voice comes. This voice that tells you no, not that way.  You are here for a reason. All this will go away. Keep writing. Keep going, though your neck be too long, or your will not that strong. Keep fighting past the insecurities that time throws in the way. It will all go away.

And in the meantime, when you are silent, and no one is around, this voice will find you.  Your one, true, tiny and listless Friend. She will comfort you. She will ring true. She will be your one true confider, who will tell you: it won’t be long now. Just keep going.

The world awaits you.

Amen.

*This work is part of a poetry collection Krista has published on Amazon called “Song of the Beloved”.  The First edition is now available on Kindle, but it is continually being updated.