Tag Archives: god

We are Not Alone

March 27, 2012   Krista Moore   2 Comments

 

God speaks through me sometimes. It’s true. Whether you believe in God or not, or a Higher Power, I do. I cannot deny it. Nor can I prove it. But I don’t have to. The words and the wisdom come, the turning around from, the changing of mind, the miracle of rebirth in a moment’s sigh, the realization that I was wrong – the surrender to what is true, what is soft, miraculous, sure, and strong. What is not myself as I thought I was – deliberate, stubborn, insecure, steadfast, slighted, vulnerable and afraid. All the human emotions dissipate with just one word.

Truth comes to those who are looking for it.  Our defenses are high, our ramshackle defenses are waylaid, threadbare, savage, silly, afraid. How do we justify ourselves when what we have created is so bare?  What does it take to give that up and walk away?

Everything.

I learned this today.  An article on the Law of Motion/Inertia stated that we are constantly moving in our chosen trajectory even when we think we are standing still. We may think we are “stuck” or helpless, but we are always on a path going somewhere (or nowhere!) – It may be the path our grandparents laid out, or our parents chose for us, or our schools and universities, or businesses, or family and friends, even our children. We are deeply rooted in the world we see, and in the path laid out before us.  How do we remain free?  What are we rooted in?

There are so many ways to look at a thing.

But what if we looked within?

 

Today I did just that. I had ideas whirling around in my head, stresses and counter-stresses, thoughts and routines, worries and imaginings, concepts of me and others others, plans and no plans. So much interference! There was no room for me. Or them. No room for Reality…

So I stepped back. Lit a candle. Put my sanctuary back.  Opened my book of peace, the one that works for me. Where the words instantly produce a different feeling, an instant reality. Shifting everything I thought just minutes before and releasing me from all doubt and worry.  I am free.

 

And so I hum and sigh and release. I shake it all off. I hear the sun again on the horizon of a day I never knew existed before this special meeting. I had been in the car, carpooling and careening.  I was not driving anywhere that had any meaning.  And so I pulled aside. I got out. I got what I needed.  And sitting here, not so much in the driver’s seat, as hovering above the scene – I can breathe. I can see more clearly.  I am not in such a hurry to figure it out.  I have this candle and I have peace.

I have the words that have  meaning to  me. That is all it takes.

Maybe I don’t need to run to the gym, pop 5 or 7 pills (vitamins!) and do mental Olympics to pull off this feat. Maybe I don’t need 17 people to believe in me. Maybe it’s enough to slow down and listen again – to me – to that deepest most trusted, most serene part of me. The part that knows everything. The part that needs nothing.

In this peace I am not alone. Nor do I need to do anything. I just receive what I have already been given. I see the gifts. I realize my own potential. And the new path entrusted to me. I have a responsibility.  But my first responsibility is to myself – to hear the Truth properly. To allow it to shift me, to let it do it’s job on me. Then, and only then, can I go out and do my job in the world.

“All things are given you. God’s trust in you is limitless. He knows [You]. He gives without exception, holding nothing back that can contribute to your happiness.”   – A Course in Miracles, Lesson 166,

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What is Love?

August 20, 2011   Krista Moore   3 Comments

A friend asked me this question, and I am commissioned to answer.  I would be wise not to try to answer it by saying what love is, for as A Course in Miracles says, love cannot be defined.  But perhaps in offering what love is not I can suggest its opposite. But, as the Course says, “what is all-encompassing can have no opposite”.

There is only one cure for “love” in this world and that is God.

I have known glimpses of love’s scent. I have known the quality of joy looking back in the mirror, the glow of understanding, of surrender. The big AHA that comes as a deep sigh within. The grateful feeling of love’s proximity keeping us safe from the wizards of doom.

I do not believe that love comes from one person. I do not believe that we are meant to love only one person and put all our hopes and dreams on that. That is not love, but devastation. For people will always disappoint you.

No one should be used as a “replacement” for Love. No one can put windows and doors around Love’s Presence. When you feel it, you know it. It is a safe but unbordered country. I have no idea how to define it or even say I know it clearly.I am still humble in the ways of love.

Any relationship, or lack of relationship, can be transformed by surrendering your ideas about it, and asking for a “miracle” instead.

We all make mistakes. And though I said we cannot find Love in another person, I meant exclusively. If we try to possess another person as our own – as in “My Family”, “My Spouse”, “My Children”, we are boxing them in. We are not seeing them for who they really are – unique individuals, yes, on a mission of their own. Each person is born with a unique blueprint, a purpose for being here. And believe me, it is not to satisfy you and make your life easier.  That is your job.

If you are expecting others to do the work for you, to reach those arms around you and keep you safe, they will inevitably disappoint. That is their job!  To show you where your weak spots are, to stimulate rejection so you can learn, to catalyze transformation.

Believe it or not, that purpose is truer to Love’s Cause than the other. Anyone you choose to make yourself comfortable, static and “the same” is just your way of keeping yourself in a holding pattern. It may feel like a house, a relationship, a life, but it is just your way of feeling safe. That doesn’t mean you can’t have those things, they are necessary to life, but they are not what life is for.

True love says Go, do what you have to do. Don’t worry about me. True love let’s another person grow beyond the edges of what is comfortable for either one. True love sees a relationship as an opportunity to grow, forgive and let go. Of expectations, definitions, demands, and other subtle ways we try to control the other. Unless something is freely given, it isn’t a gift, it’s a temporary prison.

So what is love? I don’t know. But it isn’t this: It isn’t waiting for the perfect person to come along. It isn’t looking at other people as potential soul-mates and measuring whether they fit the bill. It isn’t designing a life for yourself where only certain people belong.

Love is weightless, empty and strong. Love does not expect, declare or remain anywhere too long. Love is friendly and kind, as Paul the Apostle said. But it doesn’t always come with a marriage certificate.  Does that mean two people can’t love each other? No. It means our new job here is to decide if we are willing to let go. To really see another person for who they are, who they could be, but bear no interference in their crossing that bridge for themselves. We can lend a hand, that’s all.

Does that mean we walk alone? Absolutely not!  There are many friends for the journey. Not only your “mate”, but the whole world around you. You just have to look around. You have to offer it to someone – anyone!  You can’t just wait for it to happen. I hate to say this, but it’s like the Red Cross blood commercial:

It’s In You To Give

I hope that didn’t exasperate you too much. It exacerbates  me too, sometimes! I am only human. But my Divine Self is persistent and seems to have put me on this path. Even though I don’t know all the time, something in me does. And so I attempt to share the best way I can.

I hope that helps in some way. I hope that doesn’t discourage at all, but opens doors, window-frames, and every other structure you’ve laid. I talk of you, me and everyone here. We are all the same.

The truth is, we are not alone. We have many Helpers, friends, lovers. We are all commissioned to the task at hand. To learn to love each other. And if we can’t do that, to forgive.

That is all for now.

Amen.


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4. Resting in the Universe

August 08, 2011   Krista Moore   3 Comments

Yesterday, as I lay on my chaise lounge outside under the grand maple tree, the only word that came to me was

“Mmmmm….”

I did not feel it through my body, as a yogi does, but I felt it through my mind, through my pores, through the trees. I felt nothing but the breeze, and my own breath on my hand.

There  is a silence so deep, that even while the torrent speaks, the breath is silently gumming the words peace. There is no word there. There is just the delicious smell of existence. Of water. Of poetry. Of united. Basking in the glow. There is no tomorrow. Nothing to shed. Nowhere to go.

Sheltered in the trees, in the breeze, I wondered if my life were too easy. Why am I not in a war-torn country? Why am I not speaking to millions on TV? Why am I just laying here soaking up the rays and quietly counting the days, the words I sing to you…

Because I have to. Nothing else matters right  now. Nothing else sings to me but my own song of patience and self-sacrifice. When I say sacrifice I mean it in the most spiritual sense. Nothing real is forsaken. Nothing is lost. Only the ego, which I cling to still, for solidarity, speaks to me and asks to “check-in.”

There is a softness now that never was before.  The sharp edges of existence, the need to have, to want, to make happen, have disappeared. When they revisit me, they are on a mission -  not from my ego – but from God.  Never have I felt so naked as now, bearing my soul to you. Telling the truth, even as I know it, discover it, express it, find it. It is You. I am bonded to the word: I Am.  Someone said that to me today, M-, and I laughed. I discovered her smile and her laugh, her faith in me. I understood. There is imminent silence in our shaking of hands, in the colours and light, the attitude.  A softness, a gathering, a united feeling. A warming of hands, a sparkling of eyes.

It is as if the softness and colours of the trees visit me, even as I sit in another place, on a porch swing, in a sanctuary space, in a crowd of onlookers, or when I am asked to speak. A Presence follows me, a calm and natural feeling. I am safe. There is no hesitance in my speech. I am safe. There is no precedent for it. Nothing to profit by. I am just being myself.

Mmmmm……

That is all I feel now.  A soft inner understanding, a great patience and rest. The rest is safe. It can wait. For me, for Him, for whatever moves through me. It will come. “I” no longer matter. My ego pretends it matters a great deal. But I know differently. No clocks tick my impatience awake. Even as I sit tonight, late, I am soft, I am loose, my belly curved. My eyes soft on the “page”. It is night. It is day. Whatever time it is, I am safe. I am at play.

I hardly know what to dedicate this to anymore. There is a harmony, a blending; I am surrounded by people, new voices, questions, supplications, invitations. I hardly know what to say. Except -

Mmmmmmm…… and just breathe it all in.

Yes, it is good. I may protest a bit, but not enough to stop this wind from blowing and dashing my protest to bits, leaving me dangling by the leaf on my  hand.

It’s enough.

It is night. And the soft stars are staring their surprise back at me. The force of all is knowing, spinning, vertical. Lifting us up beyond the trees. The knowing stars are shining, and You, You are too. However you wait, however long. Whatever you do. You are knowing too.

Amen.

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3. The Death of the Ego

August 03, 2011   Krista Moore   2 Comments

Inner Light

When we talk about death we often talk about the physical body. But that has been the least of my experience. Yes, I have been through death: death of a mother/father figure, death of an aunt, death of nearly all my grandparents, two dogs and a cat, not to mention the young ones on the periphery, those who I didn’t know well, but touched me still. And those in war-torn countries whom I’ve never met. I feel them all.  But death is not just that.

Death is of the ego*

In my understanding, the ego identifies with the body to separate itself and create a separate identity. It can be special, definitive and alone.  The ego is that part of ourselves that is not aligned with life. With communion. It is the part that sides only with death.

But what if death was something simpler? What if death could be embraced, not as the death of the physical body, but as the ending of a cycle? Or the end of suffering?

Like I discussed on the radio show with Cezarina Trone, death is a daily thing; a constant dance of change.

What if death could be a temporary passage to the beginning of a Life magical?

In my recent talks with women, I have learned the common story of how death wraps itself around us when change is on the horizon. We hide into our selves and think something is wrong with us, that we cannot survive, or that we are alone…

   …but death is nothing, if not a harbinger of change.

The larger part of us, that knows life, that embraces change, whether you call it God, Your Higher Self, or the Miracle, is what pulls us through to that other side of Life. Not just the “light at the end of the tunnel”, the consolatory image so often attributed to the “after-life”, but to the light of Life that exists always within us, right here and now.

Change is difficult, and surrender of the ego is harder. The ego wants us to cling to our old ways, to other people’s visions of us, to the bonds that tie us tightly to one another, to our old identities, and to conflicts  between disparate personalities/groups/countries.

But I have seen another light within me, within all of us, that holds us in balance at the worst possible pronouncement of death calling for us to crumble. No! we say from somewhere inside. NO! I will not pass away, not unto death, but to Life! To Freedom! To the Strength I didn’t know I had.

This death is harder – more contemporary. It is the death of what you once were, your illusions about your self. About what life is for.  And when you let go of that, you do not have death, you have something unchanging and new. A vision that swells and drips with purpose, that comforts you. It grows even as you rest. Even as the rain drips down from the balcony and the heavy curtains seem to close…

I champion those who are willing to go through this curtain;  who have the courage to cling, not to the ego’s grip, but to a new hand, a new day;  who have the courage to peek through the curtain to see the light shining back at them, the happy faces in the front row waiting for them, for You, to Rise.

This is your day. Become the ultimate Scene-Stealer. Bow only to Life.

*based on a study of A Course in Miracles.

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Day 21: The Miracle is You

June 13, 2011   Krista Moore   1 Comment

I mean that literally. The Miracle is You. I’m not being generic or metaphoric or universal in any way. For the first time, I really get it.

I sang through the weekend doing the birthday thing, kids running amok, appreciating my family, getting uptight and nervous about the quantity of young guests, the unanticipated sleepover, the never-ending hangover of more guests on Sunday. The joy of an unusual full family dinner.

Now, as I swing back to my beloved friends of this blogging world, I get this sudden feeling of  connectivity, reciprocity, understanding…

This is not just about me. This is about You. The miracle that happens to me is the same miracle that happens to you. What I write, you also live. What you live, I somehow write. How does this happen? How does this miracle happen to us both at the same time, echoing each other? You may think, How did you know that? How did you say exactly how I was feeling at this moment in time? How did you say it just like that so that it sung to my heart, spoke from my true understanding, something I hadn’t even put into words before? This is all new to me too.

All I know is, I am doing this with you…

It is a chorus, a harmony, an absolute symphony. I love to write, and you hear my voice. But you don’t just hear me, you hear You! This is bizarre. Amazing. I am singing your song as much as I am singing mine. Maybe we are singing the same song!

I am honoured to be the one putting down the words because it is easy for  me. As Lady GaGa says, “I was born this way!” But maybe for the one who is tongue-tied or whose heart is torn apart, and can’t even begin to know how to express ‘that’, I am their God-send. Literally. That is not arrogant. As Marianne Williamson says echoing A Course in Miracles, it is not arrogant to recognize your God-given talents and use them. It is humble to witness their impact, to see God’s work at hand. To fall down on your knees and say, Thank you for using me at last!

Thank you.

Thank You for being here, for listening, for understanding, for being, for responding. Thank you for singing your chorus, your harmony. Your wave of passion, happiness, devotion.  I love our evolving collaboration, our co-witnessing each other, our evolutionary striving for something greater. An awakening of seismic proportions. Beyond Katerina, Beyond tragedy. This is the response to all of that. This is the Hope. The Dream. The Great Call to Freedom at last! This isn’t about race, sex, age or religion. This transcends all borders and boundaries we ever thought we had. This is Love itself calling to our own Selves. We are recognizing ourselves in each other’s greatness. We are witnessing the possibility of what we can be together.  Supporting each other in the Climb that has  nothing to do with ceilings or enemies or friends. This is wider, deeper, faster and more incredible than anything we ever thought we were or had. This is the mountain without peak, the river without end…

Dear God, make us Great. Make us tall. Make us realize our own potential in each other’s eyes. Let us witness and make a pact: Never again will we act small, pretend we don’t know anything. Hide in the branches of our own greatness, only to swing when we are alone. Let us join our hands. Clasp on for dear life. Let’s sing our hearts out in this, our Collective Song.

There’s no denying when you’ve heard the Call.

There’s no denying when a Miracle is born.

Thank you, God for hearing mine.

Amen.

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Day 17: Why I am Here, Part I

June 08, 2011   Krista Moore   1 Comment

This is a bold statement, I realize. I was going to begin with a question: “Why am I here?” But perhaps I have learned something already. Perhaps pretending to be real, pretending to know or not to know, isn’t the answer. Perhaps guessing is. Take a stab at it! If it ain’t the truth, it won’t ring true. But if you don’t try, what’s the point? You might as well Say… WHY.

The colours of my life are wonderful right now. I am riding on a wave of destiny. Who knows where, but that was last night. The where doesn’t concern me now; It’s the WHY.

WHY WHY WHY
I am here to grab you.
I don’t know why.
My defenses are slack.
My reason is why.
I have no excuses
No alarm bells to set off 
No delay tactics
No seductive tamperings
I cannot lie
Tell me why?
I am here to find out
Shout it out
From the rooftops of the sky
You don’t have to know WHY
Just do it, whatever calls to you,
Wails to you from the open sky
Do it
From your shy
ill-prepared mind.

I don’t know why. I really don’t.

But sometimes I feel it… I feel it when I hear it, when I know it, when I see it. I feel it when I dream it. I feel it when I rise up in the morning and something has shifted and I don’t know why. (Sometimes those are the best days… when I don’t know why.)

Some sorry-assed ‘Coordinator in the sky’  is trying His very, very best, handling me with great care; but nonetheless, he droops a little because… “I just don’t get it.” 
But this day – this moment, I silently “get it”, I silently try. I silently am ready to lift my hands to the sky and say YES! I will try. (I will try not to complain). Yes! I will try not to control everything! I will try not to predict the WHYs and WHEREFOREs of my very BEING.
 

I just get to Rise. I will rise to the occasion of “I don’t know WHY”

Because something in me is cooking; something in me is beckoning, rising above the quaketops of my reason, the broadband of my reasoning; above the delay in the response, the trickles of light fever, the “sorry, I don’t get this, can you please repeat?”, the “Please, please tell me… WHY????”

Something in me doesn’t give a F— and just wants to Give IT. Deliver IT. Be IT. Quake NOT at the NOTHINGNESS of it all: The matter of  IT DOESN’T MATTER WHY; the quiet, timid reflections that make-us-feel-better-for-a-time-until-the-next-question-arises: That Next Heart-Stopping, Earth-shattering, Eye-Popping

WHY 

But, as Shania says… (and I’m sorry about this, really):

WHY NOT?

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Day 9: The Pleasant Ever-After

May 29, 2011   Krista Moore   No comments

I’m not sure why, but I’m so happy lately. A year ago I was suffering from a recurring case of depression, or what one expert called “a constant state of discontent”. It had taken its toll on my health and every area of my life. I didn’t know what I wanted to do and it felt like the end of the world.

Now, as I sit here in my backyard, looking at the chickadees and robins hanging out in the trees, feeling the cool damp breeze and my fingers tracing their story on the keys, I feel at ease… I feel a deep sense of peace unknown to me before…

Where did this come from? This pleasant ever-after? The long-awaited prize after years of grueling internal effort and uncertainty? It came from a combination of things, all brought on by my intention – no, my Determination – to be well, to be More than well: to BE HAPPY.

I deserve a life of happiness. So do you. There is no need to struggle and worry about everything. I’ve done plenty of that. I’ve been through lots of things – death, loss, but I haven’t suffered much. I have everything, I admit.  But that discontent underlying our lives can eat away at the most blessed of lives, including my own. I admit, I was spoiled. I didn’t know how lucky I am.  I am more than lucky – I worked for this, chose this, in fact. But when you don’t recognize what you have, you are impoverished indeed.

Sometimes it takes a crisis to get down on your knees.

Since then I have done many things:  Prayed and meditated, number one. Got the help I need.  Took some courses that elevated my spirits and connected me to a broader social community. Healed body, mind and soul. Did the work. Wrote it out. Talked it out. Cried it out! I found my voice. And now I am freed. I feel better today than I have felt in, well – ever!

happiness

This is the story of my life, unfolding one day at a time. May it be blessed, always with the recognition of what I have, and the good that is to come. This is my happily ever after. It’s not perfect. It’s not what I planned when I first started out (whose is?). I don’t live in Hollywood (thank God!), and in some ways, it is much, much better. Because you know what? I’ve only just begun!  And that makes me really smile…

I wish the same for you.

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I Have a Plan

March 15, 2011   Krista Moore   No comments

Why are so many women still unhappy?

Are we really so ungrateful for what we have and who we are, or is there some bigger fish to fry?

I feel this state of discontent that is completely un-understandable to most men I know. And when I talk about this state of relentless need or desire for change, most women get it.  How come?  And what do we do about it?

I’ve done the Feminine Power course with some dynamite women, and it seemed like I was looking in the mirror most of the time – most women, even highly accomplished women, feel this dissatisfaction with their current lives, no matter how fulfilling they appear to be.  Some were unhappy for understandable reasons – let’s say they had not yet reached for something they really wanted to do, or they hadn’t found a partner to love and lived their lives alone.  That can be difficult.  But I have already done some things I’m proud of, not all, but some, and I do have a creative partner who wants me to succeed and be happy. So what’s my excuse?  I even have the children I love and always wanted. I have a supportive family mostly and some very good friends. I am not alone.

And yet, most days I awake feeling… what am I doing? What’s next? Where do I come from and where am I going? All these fundamental, proverbial questions that won’t let me be for a moment.  Never satisfied with what I’ve done. There always has to be more. Or different. Or better. It’s never good enough. I’m never good enough. I go back to old habits that keep me comforted while I fritter away the day trying to decide what to do next or what matters to me most.

No. This is not the way. I know this.

My faith lacks faith. And a plan.

I keep relying on wisdom that is unapplied. Meaning I know what to do but don’t do it.  I just know when it’s good. When it seems to be working (ie., I feel happier).

But how do you keep it going? How do you keep moving in this new direction without losing your way and despairing all the time? Especially, especially, when you don’t know where you’re going. You only know it’s sort of like this, it kind of feels like that, it seems to come this way or that.  But there is no ‘connect the dots’. No absolutes. It could all fall apart any minute.

Is this the road to happiness or the road paved with good intentions?

What miracle do I need now to fix my stare on the good, the true and the holy? What miraculous voice within me will steer me and cheer me on without delay? And will NOT go away?

It seems people can be argued with, but our internal self or Voice cannot. It simply quiets, presumably waits for us to stop clambering and climbing the walls.

“Hellooo…. Over here, this way!” Poor soldiers that we are, so determined to make things hard, so entrenched in our old patterns and beliefs.

Shift us, barricade us, blow us out of the water!  Dry us off.  Fasten us to your side waistcoat and never let us go. Guide us, deliver us, champion us. We all want a champion we can believe. Don’t we?

Sometimes it seems I am a child waiting for someone to tell me what to do. To give me an out, a game-plan, a goal, a guarantee.  A rock that will not shift beneath my feet.

Is this possible? Wise? Profitable?

I sure as hell hope so. Cause it’s all I need. Call it a cop-out if you will, but if we knew what to do all this time, wouldn’t we have done it by now? And if we tried to do it and failed and then tried to make it again on our own and failed, maybe there is a better way. Maybe we are not as wise as we had hoped.

Women are strong.  But often our strength lies in recognizing when we need a break, and when we need a hand.  We are used to lending one, but it is harder for us to take one, grasp one hard and fast, and never let go. It is a hard lesson to grasp. But maybe, maybe, it isn’t so bad.

Maybe we haven’t failed, we just failed to understand what we need most of all. Faith not just in ourselves, but in our belief.  That’s what We are here for. To understand for each other when times are tough, to lift each other up. To fasten our hands to those we trust and ask what good can come for all of us.  Nothing makes us happy alone. We haven’t even really tried.  We know it’s useless. But this, this is something new. What can we do with God or the Universe on our side, with Heaven at our feet, with wisdom in our hearts, and people joining hands in the streets?  This all sounds corny but it isn’t. It’s downright true.  It’s what I know, it’s what I believe. It may be embarrassing, it may make me feel like a crazy person sometimes, but there is no other way. Either I have my pride, or I have You.

Call it what you will.

I pick You.

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