Tag Archives: letting go

Miracle 3: “Letting Go of Fear”

Here is my confessional booth. STEP RIGHT UP! ūüôā¬† Oh, pardon me, that’s me in line – looks like I’m going first.

 

Part of my journey has always been laden with fear. People often look surprised at me in my workshops when I own my fear. They may think if someone is stepping out into their greatness and shining a light, that there is no darkness going on inside. Well, there is in mine! All the time.¬† That is one of the most confusing and humbling parts of my journey. Each time I step out, I don’t think I can do it. Or I know I can, but it scares the *&^%$ bejeezus out of me.

What makes me sane, when I step out and do something I’ve never done before, is keeping it real with the people I love, and even the new people I am learning to love who may or may not love me. That’s scary!¬† Looking out at those faces and having no clue what any of them are thinking, yet opening my mouth and ‘spilling the beans’ – the good, the bad and the ugly – is a huge leap of faith. Vulnerability.

I wish there were an easier way. And believe me, I pray. But there isn’t. You¬† just have to do it anyway.¬† I love Susan J. Jeffers’ book, “Feel the Fear, and Do It Anyway” and¬†Gerry G. Jampolsky’s “Love is Letting Go of Fear”.¬† These books are part of the reason I stepped into acting.¬† As well as my husband, who kept believing in me in spite of my fears and insecurities!¬† I would lie awake at night nervous before every gig, no matter how many I got. Every day was new, different somehow.¬† Each opportunity stretched me a little further to grow. And when I stopped growing, I knew it was time to move on to the next challenge.

That’s the weird part about me. If I’m not a bit nervous (or terrified) about something, I go a little crazy. I have to be doing something new, creating something exciting out of the ethers.¬† (And then I’m kicking myself for putting myself through so much change!) But each time I do, there is inevitably a moment like this one:

Staring into a circle of women, their faces soft and lit with light, love, giggles or tears. Broken open by what we are doing there.  I feel so in love with all of them, with the process of creation, with sharing, with their vulnerability, with caring. I feel broken open, too. My heart is full. Filled with gratitude. I have done this, and yet, I have not done this. I allowed it. It flowed through me. I gave my best. And they Рthey gave their all, too.

Isn’t life a miracle?

 

Here is an AUDIO: The 3 Layers of Letting Go I prepared for my women’s circle that I would like to share with you. It is all about the miracles of letting go: letting go of fear, and allowing the love, light and flow of something new.

I hope you enjoy it and let the miracle come through you!

Thanks for listening.

Krista

The Miracle Is You

 

Confession booth open 24/7 in the Comments field below. What fears nag you? And what miracles have seen you through?

The 3 Layers of Letting Go

butterfly flying free from cupped hands

Letting go is the cornerstone of living a life of peace, serenity and purpose. Having to “go it alone” or struggling to make other people fit our expectations is not conducive to happiness.

How do you let go? There are many ways.

Here are 3 Ways I have learned to let go…

 

 

AUDIO: The 3 Layers of Letting Go

1.  Personal Level РLetting Go of False Beliefs, Negative Thoughts & Patterns

Sometimes the shift is as simple as entertaining a sense of possibility. Not shutting down to “no” or “too late”.¬† Listening to stories of others who have “made it” or found a new path can be inspiring. Reading inspiring literature. Learning new mental habits of awareness. Opening your consciousness to the new.¬† Questioning any hard-line beliefs or dis-beliefs. Staying open to what’s true. Watching how you talk to yourself. Letting go means love. And loving yourself is paramount.

2. Relational Level – Letting Go of People, Institutions, Organizations, Situations, External Restrictions

This can be about forgiveness and opening to love in existing relationships. It may also require more honest questions about your growth.¬† Do you feel empowered and free enough to be yourself in your existing¬† circumstances? Can you create safety and teach others to receive you differently?.¬† Sometimes you can adapt your ways, but others can’t or won’t. If you don’t feel free enough, begin seeking partners and communities who will uphold the best in you, love you and want you to be yourself. It may be difficult, it may be painful, but if you have exhausted all avenues and have given your best, it may be time to love and let go.¬† Then pour your heart into a loving container of “peeps” who get you. In it you will be fed, and your new life will be given the right soul (and soil) to bloom.

3. Spiritual Surrender – Letting Go & Asking for a Higher Power / Self/ Spirit to Guide You

This is the most humbling of the three, and extremely personal, and yet completely impersonal. It is about something greater than yourself. A deeper vision, insight, or understanding.¬† A connection to your source of inspiration. If you can’t find it, ask. Seek. Listen. It will often show up in other people and new circumstances. It will invite you in. It will feel comforting and empowering.¬† Sometimes you have to scream and yell to be heard.¬† But this voice, inner nudge, intuition, Life force, Friend – will never leave you. You are a part of everything. Once you connect, you will become part of the flow of Life.

 

MORE WAYS TO CONNECT & LET GO:

Take 5 minutes in the morning, or while you are driving in your car, and just allow yourself to listen. Ask yourself how you feel, what you need, and be prepared to act on what you feel guided to do. What feels honest to you.

Try doing things differently for awhile. Writing with the opposite hand, taking a different route, going for a sensory walk at lunch, doing karaoke, or going too far. Letting go of the old (habits, clothes, schedules, burdens) opens you up to your inner yearnings and passions. You may discover a new talent, desire, or circumstance that leads to something else unexpected. It is all connected.

Seek support and encouragement. Find a partner, friend, circle or community where you can be yourself, and where growth and authenticity are paramount. We cannot do this alone. Letting go and changing is hard work. It takes commitment, but more than that, it takes love. And we cannot love alone. Find your “clan”. And watch the miracles grow!

 

Some Final Words of Wisdom:

‚ÄúLetting go is trusting that your worst judgments about yourself and others are likely wrong, unfair and untrue.¬† It is believing the BEST in yourself and others and ACTING upon this new belief.”

‚ÄúAlthough I fail to believe in myself sometimes, there seems to be something that has more faith in me. And when I let go, this faith is proven to be worthy and justified.‚ÄĚ

‚ÄúI have no goals but to live each day as an unguarded masterpiece.‚ÄĚ

–¬† Krista Moore

 

 

 

In the Midst of Everything…

 

In the midst of everything… The sound of the sirens and the dog howling, and my reassurances to him that all is well….

And my daughter getting tucked into bed, nourishing a broken heart over girls who no longer want to be friends – her daddy reading her a bedtime favourite called, “Mr. Mischief” (from the Mr. Men series)…..

In the midst of the traffic light which turned as we rolled out of the pub after chicken wings and beer, a shady¬† hide-away from the light of day, and the music playing renewing my husband’s spirit…

In the midst of my grown teenage boy growing up even more, past me now, talking to his girlfriend on the phone…

And my own day of loneliness, touch, wonder, chaos and curiosity, what’s next, what can I grow…

I smell the lilacs in bloom, more sweet than ever, more luscious still than any springtime weather, and my hydrangeas hanging their heads with the promise there is more to bloom…

I hear the vacant stars and the moonlit sky calling to us to return to the evening calm as mosquitoes die and leave us alone…

In wonder, I return, again and again, to the seaside smell of wonder, the promise of never-after, but forever becoming, now still humming, wondering, promising, who, what, how and when…

Thank God for this constellation of stars, for this still-light moon, for this dancing array of the bottomless possibility we may find our way, of the heavenly knowing that no dew remains long as the sun returns…

I light my hands, every morning, skyward. I rise above the hasty habit of introspection and dry thought, I remember the chance to begin again, to stir, to ask the question, to reap the reward, to dance the floor boards

Oh my soul promises yet again, and never ever ends. Oh the promise is that I rise again, and again, and again. Never dying, always rising, crying, the surrender to what is.

Amen.

 

 

P.S. This is all about Letting Go…¬† How do you surrender?¬† How do you deal with the chaos of life?¬† I found my sweet spot in this spiritual surrender. How do you find yours?

The Magic Toast, or “F**k It”

This morning my husband put a strange book on my Kobo. F**k It.  He figured I could use it Рworrying too much, again.

“Do I really worry that much?” I asked.¬† He looked at me. “About what?”

“Everything.”

Wow. Have I really grown so little that I still care what other people think?¬† Yup. Still worryin’.

As author, John C. Parkin says, it’s time to say “F**k It” when you’re worrying about:

  • ¬†How you look (good or bad)
  • ¬†How successful (or not) you are
  • ¬†the important people in your life: family, partner, friends
  • ¬†making a difference
  • ¬†money or lack thereof
  • ¬†doing the right thing
  • ¬†being reliable
  • ¬†God/Buddha/Muhammad, etc.
  • ¬†finding inner peace
  • ¬†meeting deadlines
  • ¬†not swearing in front of the children
  • ¬†the gardening (or lack thereof)
  • ¬†keeping up to date on the latest shows: American Idol, etc.
  • ¬†being there for people when they need you
  • ¬†having a nice car – or any car that gets you from A to B
  • ¬†what other people think
  • ¬†paying the bills
  • ¬†doing what your boss wants
  • ¬†doing what’s expected
  • ¬†following the rules (who made these rules anyway??)

After reading about 3 pages of this book, which is refreshingly irreverent (I’m so serious and ‘reverential’ about everything, even the weeds), I had a mischievous look on my face. My daughter wouldn’t get up to go to school – again.

I thought of the book.

“Heather!¬† If you wake up right now, on your own, I will give you this magic piece of toast – with peanut butter and honey – and you will have the most fantastic, unexpected day!”

She didn’t buy it exactly, but she was amused.

Well, what would happen if you could do anything you wanted?” I said.¬† She perked up a bit.

“How?” she asked, dis-trustingly at first.

“Just answer the question. What if you could? What would you do?”

“I’d stay home.”

“That’s it?” I was looking for the big enchilada.

“Yup.” She rested her head on the chair as if to go to sleep again.

“Well, this is a magic piece of toast, so if you eat it, all of it, your day will be totally different than you expect. Only good things will happen.”

She took the bread and nibbled a bit. Then she asked the big question.

“Can I stay home, just until 9:30?¬† Pleaaaaaaaaaaase??”

Flip to half an hour later.¬† Heather and I are squeezed on a lounger in the backyard, the sun is coming up over her head, shining hard, and she has picked 3 dandelions, a fistful of¬† ‘forget-me-nots’ – which she asked “What are they called again, I can’t remember?” We had a good laugh over that.

I looked up at her soft face, the light diffused and yellow as a buttercup.  The air was singing with birds. The grass was a bit overgrown with dandelion heads waiting to come down. But that would happen later. Tomorrow.  Not Now.

¬†Because¬† NOW, my daughter and I are enjoying a Precious Moment.¬† I said “F**k It”. But she doesn’t have to know that.

 
P.S. Results of magical day?¬† Daughter made track and field team, found 2 four leaf clovers and 1 five-leaf clover (she said this was starting to scare her!), played a game of “guess it” with me and cooked us all supper – Yippeee!!

P.P.S. When my son came home and heard my adventure of sitting inside a real Gulf War tank (another story), he said, “Wooww, can I have some magical toast, too?”¬†

Sure.

So can You!

Put a Little Heart into your Breathing…

heart breathing

Taking a quick break from holiday festivities to notice when I am breathing, and when I am feeling the need to step away for a bit and be by myself. This is not a bad thing. A little withdrawl (especially from chocolate!) is much needed.

Although I prepare for even more entertaining tomorrow, I know that this works for me:

I notice when my energy is a bit off. I notice when my hand aches, or my heart feels tense, or my head a little dizzy.

I sit down and breathe, ask myself, “what do you need?” Sometimes it is just that:

Breathe! Ahhhhh….

I have learned to bring not only deep into my lungs and belly, but also into my heart. “Heart breathing” is something I learned from doing an Integrated Spiritual Practice with Terry Patten last year. The deep belly breathing is still helpful to release tension and anxiety, but to connect you to your deeper purpose, to your In-Quest – you need to connect to your Heart Space. The heart has more intelligence, light and energy than any other part of your body or mind. And just that slight visualization and intention of tuning into your heart area can activate more loving energy within you and around you.

In the deep belly and Heart breathing, I feel myself drop not only down but out in all directions. I feel the warm glow of my heart fill my body and mind, and then the room and beyond. I feel the peace of God come upon me, and I say a prayer to myself of forgiveness, or need, or whatever needs to be said. That is enough. The rest is done for me.

Tap into and your own energy! Breathe into your Heart. There is more there than you “think”.

And then… Enjoy the festivities! Whatever that means to you. This year, I am tuning In, not out (too much!). I hope you do too! Let’s take a moment before the New Year to connect to our own energy, to our Heart, to say a prayer or two of forgiveness and joy, and then release that into the Universe.

Let this be the year that You are New, too!

Amen to that!

Love,

Krista Moore

P.S. What makes you Breathe deeply? How are you doing with your connection to Self this season? Are you finding time to Tune In to your own energy? To your prayerful Heart Space? Let me know what Heart Breathing does for you.

Thank you!

The Miracle of Letting Go

Krista in Del Mar

I can’t¬† plan this. Some academics spend eons planning, researching, writing and editing their material. Forgive me my typ-os (typos?), my dangling participles, my fragments. This is the joy of creating, like a delicious soup that gets made from half-made things all thrown together into a stirling mix. Who can plan this? Who wants to?

Have you let go of planning yet?

Preparation is one thing. We all have to buy our tickets to get to where we’re going. But once we’ve prepared and shown up, our job is to let go and experience it.

Here’s what happened to me:¬† I met a woman in a cafe whom I have admired for a long time. We spoke briefly over the course of a year.¬† One day I returned to the cafe just brimming with my news, of what I was doing with Evolutionary Women, this circle of women I started in Scarborough, who wanted to connect and transform, together. I was sparkling with joy. The mists had parted, and she noticed this exuberance, this life. She wanted to know Everything, as most women do (which I adore). I told her my story. First, the five-minute version, which wasn’t enough. She was enthralled. Tell me more! I told her how I got to where I am now, what I had to give up – the trying, the “efforting” for a pre-set notion of my future. But it wasn’t working. Everything felt like a no-fly zone.¬† I was lost in a daydream, a maze with no door. Then I awoke. I joined several groups, sought help. I began talking, searching, writing, creating. I struggled, I fell down. I didn’t know how I was ever going to get there, this nebulous new world. I didn’t know how I was going to start all over.¬† I had visions, daydreams, images that would come to me, words that would flow through me all the time. I was pretty isolated then. It took time to build a support team. I became relaxed into this new way of being. My life became an editing room. I was being edited down to my finest, most crystalline form. Everything else was tertiary.

Soon, in the span of two years, my daydreams began to form. Something Inside began to show up all around me. I began to transform myself. Show up differently. There were dips and curves, valleys. Breakdowns and breakthroughs. I suffered A LOT. So did my family at times. I knew I had to change the way I was thinking about myself and my life. What I was here for. It wasn’t to glorify myself. I had to go a different way. I had to let go!

Letting go doesn’t mean having nothing, or doing¬† nothing. It doesn’t even mean loss necessarily, as it is so often associated with grieving.¬† Sure, I cried my tears in the letting go of “me”, who I thought I was. The pain of sustaining an image of myself that I couldn’t live up to (that wasn’t true). I had kept¬† my true thoughts well hidden. It took awhile to crawl to the surface and breathe dry air. To trust that I could tell others the truth. That I wasn’t happy the other way. I had to let go.

Letting go is New. It’s You!¬† It’s Why We’re Here, What We are For, It’s the deliverance you’ve been waiting for! It’s the door!¬† It’s Thank God I don’t have a plan anymore! Thank God I can just be me! Isn’t it fabulous, just to be me?

And then – people started noticing. People started wanting to join with me, to participate in: to listen, to speak, to share their hearts, their minds, to co-create. To begin! Suddenly I was not alone – I became swept up in a giant swell. There was something much more important at stake – my happiness and theirs, not some arbitrary future life I wanted to create – No. I wanted my Life NOW!

This is what happened when I let go:¬† My woman friend and I sat and had a real conversation. We lit up the room. The world closed in around us like a giant blanket. Other women listened and enthused. Possibilities and ventures sparked. We started saying Yes, I would love to do that. Let’s talk about it. Now, things are happening, and I have so much to do!

How did it all happen?? I couldn’t have planned or predicted this. I had an idea to join with other women. To¬† connect. I began to create something small. I thought of doing more, reaching more women. I talked and wrote about it – A LOT. Too much, in fact. But, I didn’t give up. I got positive feedback. I kept putting it out there. There were slumps and insecurities – there still are!¬† But this idea, this adventure, this feeling to keep going kept coming to me. I kept dreaming and sharing. And soon, when I took that terrifying step of asking someone about renting a space to hold a workshop –¬† THEN and only then – I heard the giant chorus of YES! chiming back at me.¬† Other women wanted this too. Then – did I notice: This was a good idea! It wasn’t just some “idea” in my head. Some other scheme to “get ahead.”¬† It wasn’t just for me anymore, it was also for them. Serendipity took over. People started approaching me for more. This was something brewing deep down in the hearts of all of us – at least the women I’ve met. And even men!

What really surprised me, when I let go and just spoke to this woman from my heart, was that she wanted to work with me one on one.¬† I had never done this before.¬† I didn’t know what I would do. How could I? How could I know what she was going to say?¬† To plan would have been interference.¬† I had to trust. I felt humbled by her trust in me, in the Presence – because that is what it was. My Presence spoke for me, on her behalf. I saw who she was, felt the tingling sensation of Yes! shouting through her – through the aches and pains of what was. I knew her.¬† I wanted to join with her and help her as so many had helped me. And, because I allowed that Presence to speak for me, instead of some rigid, academic plan, some psychology degree – I knew what to say and when. I had compassion. At first, it just stumbled out.¬† But then, as the energy moved me and I SPOKE. it just rang out!¬† Her eyes lit up and she said, “Wow…this is Amazing.” I felt that too. I was as amazed as she was. I felt totally connected, totally alive, totally gifted by that moment with her presence too. Our awareness grew.

It is amazing what we can do when we don’t have a plan. When we let go. It’s amazing what’s Inside of us when we just let ourselves LIVE and give others permission to do the same.

The same thing happened the other night in a workshop I was giving.¬† It had become more of a Circle, a quiet space of reflection and sharing. I had written reams of material, I had hundreds of exercises swirling around my head – some we had already tried which were quite invigorating, and I believe helpful. But this time was different. They had already begun without that. This time, it wasn’t “all up to me” as I had felt before, and so many women who carry that sense of responsibility very heavily. The burden of caring too much, planning too hard, frightened of the unknown. Afraid to surrender. To trust that I had enough.¬† That I was enough.

I sat uncomfortably in my chair at first, knowing “I Have a Plan”. Then I listened to the women open up, their stories naturally spilling out of them, the electricity of their knowing filling the room. Their intelligence, their insight, their banter. Their laughter!¬† Who could interfere with that? What more could I give that they didn’t already have?

I had to let go. I had already created this space for them to grow. They had already accepted, shown up.  Given themselves. All I had to do was listen and give what came to me in the moment. I offered my thoughts, my passion, which caught fire when I spoke.  I noticed when I tried too hard and stopped.  I listened to myself. I remembered what my purpose was (to give them a space to heal) and spoke from my heart instead. And then they lit up.  Because I was being true. There were still challenges and discussion. Healing moments and successes.  Opportunities for further growth. Things I could do to help in future, but waited. It was not appropriate now. There would be more time. This was only a beginning.

At the beginning of that night, in silent preparation, I had lit 9 tiny candles in the centre of the table. And as I quietly sat by and listened, my friend turned to me and said, “Nine candles. Ah….¬† Birthing”¬† She smiled. Beamed, actually. And now as I looked around at their faces, the nine women who came, we resembled the light itself.¬† It was our quiet sanctuary. I felt I had done something exquisite, without “doing” anything at all. I had given myself permission to just be there, and to let them as well, to have faith that we would do the right thing together. Like women who know how to give birth to something. No doctor can tell us how to do it. Nature just knows.

Women know. They understand each other. We are natural creatures. Our instincts get dampened by too much structure.¬† We need room to grow. That’s all. Just a room. Just a space. Just a collaborator or two.

Give yourself a little space to let go…

And let the miracle happen to You.

P.S. This is my way of surrendering. I’ve spent years thinking too much. And still do. I use to get rewarded for getting my semi-colons right. Now, all I want is You!¬† To be happy. To be joyful. To reach people in a new way. To let the Spirit move me! I hope it moves you too.

Amen.

Stewing Stupalicious Soup!

I am sitting tonight in a candlelit room my son left behind him as he moved downstairs. It was a coming of age moment long overdue that I resisted, but  now I wonder why I waited so long! Here I am, sitting at this room he lived in as a small boy, staring up at me from the lower bunk bed, afraid of the dark, or upset by bullies, or nervous about a new school, dreaming and talking and asking all kinds of questions.  Now he is grown, answering them for himself and feeling quite proud of his new life and new high school. And I am so proud of him.

But I am proud of me too. Because instead of being sad or feeling at a loss, I have gained too. He told me to go ahead and use his old room to create a nook for myself, put in my own desk, decorate the walls, christen it the new “creativity room”.¬† And so, here I sit talking to you in the new room as if no time has passed, except it is the future now and I am as open and new as he.

Aaaaah….. Love is sweet. And freedom too. Although four walls still surround me, they are different, and I am too. I love this new me, creating possibility, and enjoying the newness of all the friends I meet, all the plans we create. It is so, so sweet.

Mmmmm…….

4. Resting in the Universe

 

Yesterday, as I lay on my chaise lounge outside under the grand maple tree, the only word that came to me was

“Mmmmm….”

I did not feel it through my body, as a yogi does, but I felt it through my mind, through my pores, through the trees. I felt nothing but the breeze, and my own breath on my hand.

There  is a silence so deep, that even while the torrent speaks, the breath is silently gumming the words peace. There is no word there. There is just the delicious smell of existence. Of water. Of poetry. Of united. Basking in the glow. There is no tomorrow. Nothing to shed. Nowhere to go.

Sheltered in the trees, in the breeze, I wondered if my life were too easy. Why am I not in a war-torn country? Why am I not speaking to millions on TV? Why am I just laying here soaking up the rays and quietly counting the days, the words I sing to you…

Because I have to. Nothing else matters right¬† now. Nothing else sings to me but my own song of patience and self-sacrifice. When I say sacrifice I mean it in the most spiritual sense. Nothing real is forsaken. Nothing is lost. Only the ego, which I cling to still, for solidarity, speaks to me and asks to “check-in.”

There is a softness now that never was before.¬† The sharp edges of existence, the need to have, to want, to make happen, have disappeared. When they revisit me, they are on a mission –¬† not from my ego – but from God.¬† Never have I felt so naked as now, bearing my soul to you. Telling the truth, even as I know it, discover it, express it, find it. It is You. I am bonded to the word: I Am.¬† Someone said that to me today, M-, and I laughed. I discovered her smile and her laugh, her faith in me. I understood. There is imminent silence in our shaking of hands, in the colours and light, the attitude.¬† A softness, a gathering, a united feeling. A warming of hands, a sparkling of eyes.

It is as if the softness and colours of the trees visit me, even as I sit in another place, on a porch swing, in a sanctuary space, in a crowd of onlookers, or when I am asked to speak. A Presence follows me, a calm and natural feeling. I am safe. There is no hesitance in my speech. I am safe. There is no precedent for it. Nothing to profit by. I am just being myself.

Mmmmm……

That is all I feel now.¬† A soft inner understanding, a great patience and rest. The rest is safe. It can wait. For me, for Him, for whatever moves through me. It will come. “I” no longer matter. My ego pretends it matters a great deal. But I know differently. No clocks tick my impatience awake. Even as I sit tonight, late, I am soft, I am loose, my belly curved. My eyes soft on the “page”. It is night. It is day. Whatever time it is, I am safe. I am at play.

I hardly know what to dedicate this to anymore. There is a harmony, a blending; I am surrounded by people, new voices, questions, supplications, invitations. I hardly know what to say. Except –

Mmmmmmm…… and just breathe it all in.

Yes, it is good. I may protest a bit, but not enough to stop this wind from blowing and dashing my protest to bits, leaving me dangling by the leaf on my  hand.

It’s enough.

It is night. And the soft stars are staring their surprise back at me. The force of all is knowing, spinning, vertical. Lifting us up beyond the trees. The knowing stars are shining, and You, You are too. However you wait, however long. Whatever you do. You are knowing too.

Amen.