Tag Archives: new beginnings

Where Do We Go From Here?

I’ve witnessed and co-created an amazing transformation in my life in the last 8 years. Significant and tectonic plate shifts have occurred in the inner landscape of my world which have seen outer changes as well.

Although on the outside much may look the same (except children are older and I am as well!), I live in the same place, but the world I inhabit and am connected to is very different.

What I care about has not so much shifted as been recognized, acknowledged, acted upon and resulted in major developments.  I feel as if I have conquered the world in some ways: conquered depression, inertia, fear, confusion, self-doubt and misery; and have found my golden seed, my amethyst, my inner knowing that runs secure across all things…

Some things never change. We simply catch up to who we really are on the inside and allow that to manifest on the outside without suppressing it anymore. That is what happened to me. I unleashed myself. And now, here I am!

 

So without giving a running score of what has happened (that is mostly contained in the previous 200 blogs on this website), I will ask the great question that we ask when we reach the top of a mountain:

Where Do We Go From Here?

This is not a defeatist question, nor one of discontent.  It is a pleasurable question that runs through me like a wave of excitement, like the dew on the rose leaves outside, the wild gathering clouds before a rainstorm, and the bursting of the sun just after. It is a question filled with LIFE. It is NEVER, EVER done. And Thank God for that!

My life is my best creation. From it comes connection, children, family, creativity, great discoveries and never-ending learning. From that comes never ending ways to teach and uncover and share what I’ve learned. I am an eternal student, and a happy mentor.

I feel the impulse to create, to see what is coming through. I wait for the current, for the energy, for the awareness to spread so that I cannot NOT do it. It comes with a feeling, a knowing and sometimes with words or instructions. Often without. Either way, I seem to know where to step in to, to try the waters, to see what is next.

I have seen glimpses in my inner vision of what may be coming. I have been “informed” of what that might be, but not the timing or the how, and when. Just approximately!…

One thing I know is I have planted many seeds… And now they are sprouting all around me. I have groups, writings, a podcast, clients, teachings, new friendships, collaborators, and co-creators. I have a web so big and wide who knows what will spring up out of the matrix of all these many seeds. I know that God is leading me. I don’t need to know how. I just know this is for me.

I feel good about what is happening, and can’t wait to share what’s next. I am more than happy just waiting a little bit longer as I begin to manifest it. It is magnetic.

I am content, creative, causal and relaxed. I am filled with life and will never look back. All that has happened is preparation for me. All that is now is the foundation. And what is created next, well, that is more magnificent and miraculous than one can even imagine or talk about!

We will see!

 

P.S. I will share a hint in my next post! 🙂

Planting a New Garden

It is 12:10 AM and I arose from my bed with a flash of insight. I was waiting until July 1 come hell or high water. Trying to do things “right”. But the flow is coming, and I kind of knew this would happen.

 

Beginning at the end.  We are digging up an old garden that lay in waste (in my sight), 20 years in the making. I had my hand in 10 of them, and did not do my best with a garden hoe or dandelion picker. Now we are among giant thorned bushes that have hidden my path.  I can’t see anything I planted along the way. Only the red poppies, defiant, bloomed and then lay their heads. Same with the peonies – it took two years for them to squeeze their tiny eyes open, then hang down and begin to wilt. Relieved, I realized it was time.

 

 

Here is what happened:  I had a dream of a wildflower garden. It came out of my admission that I could never be a gardener.  Not a traditional one. Manicured lawns were not my forte nor desire.  Yet I was embarrassed at the state they were in.  My garden arose out of a previous garden that was perfectly arranged by a previous owner, someone who had all the things I had not: passion, ability and patience.  I knew I was in trouble when I looked at the rubble after our construction job lay that perfect garden to waste. Underneath it, the rose bushes persevered. So did the day lilies, of course, and the gorgeous clematis that climbed its towery fountain in the middle.

10 Years rolled by of me doing my best in April and May.  I would do minimal weeding, dig up some dirt and go get new soil and lay it on top of it.  Hoping it would take. Then I would buy some mulch and expensive wood chips and lay a pretty path.  Some of the things stayed. Others died along the way.  Tiny creepers crept in, like mint and cloves, then dandelions, and finally grass and wheat.

My garden dream became a nightmare. And yet, it still pulls at my heartstrings…

.

What does this mean?

Was I foolish to believe I could have a wildflower garden without doing any weeding? Was I foolish to take on somebody else’s dream?  What was the solution? Keep trying? Keep denying?

So, this past week, as we prepare for a new pool to go in, and lay a track for the trucks to come in – I had to move my garden. MY GARDEN!  the Heart garden had become me. And it was beautiful for a time. But a tiny guilt always followed me:  this is not mine.  Or is it?

 

Today we did what every sane person who knew anything about gardens had told me to do We took every good thing out of that old garden and put it in a pot. We dug all around them and plucked them right out.  And when those big trucks come, the rest will be turned over, flattened and reshaped.  Old weeds will be moved away.  New soil will be laid in its place. Maybe new grass.  Or maybe a newer, smaller, garden of mine.

Will I try again? 

We’ll see. I have a lovely clematis root, my first successful blush peonies, one pot of cloves, a lovely rose, and some other coloured things.  I will water them all I can. I will even pray once or twice.  But in my vision, as I now lay awake at night – something NEW will arise.  Not that old garden of the past.  Not some old sight.

I have finally let go.  Have I?

What else was in that garden?  Memories old and new.  People that once played a part who are now gone.  Fears and insecurities. Dreams and visions of what my life should be.  Old prayers said on the old stone steps that got buried.  Babies birthed while looking at the irises purple unfolding in summer.  Dogs running and leaping and peeing indiscriminately against the rocks. The shape of a heart that I thought I was.

 

What have I lost? 

Like my garden, my life has changed significantly. Old paths have grown over.  Old lives changed or forgotten.  Relationships let go of or grown in a new direction, love and children hung on to.  The rest? Well –

How can I plant a new garden?  What will it be?  What will I be?

I plant a new garden. I begin with the shape of nothing. This time I will not inherit it, nor feel guilty if it fails. I will accept my fate.  I will plant a new garden based on current delights, something I can manage, something that is honest and truthful. And I will make sure I don’t put anything into this garden that I don’t love or intend to care for. I will do my best.

  Until then – I wait.

Krista with her peonies

Day 5: One Woman’s Weed…

dandelions

One woman's battle...

Springtime Canada. We have been encrusted by snow and trampled by rain for two long seasons, and now Summer is upon us. Out of our weary and dark dwelling places we roam, emerging from our comfortable habits of yesterday, cherished shows that got us through (American Idol anyone?), a shot too many or glass (or two) of wine, our warm beds to return to.  Suddenly, as the back doors slide open and the lids open in the shed, the brushes get a wiping, the tools get a shake, the cobwebs of  yesteryear flicked away….  What have we got now?

 Weeds, my friend. Weeds, weeds, and more weeds!

Yesterday I was on a walk with my daughter, and she is at that delicate age where her reason has suddenly shouted, “But that’s just a weed!”  What was once a precious dandelion flower given to her mother with great care and the sweetest of sweet smiles, is now a pesky weed, reduced to the order of no more, and not for me.  I corrected her immediately.

“Sweetheart, I love when you give me dandelions. They’re so beautiful. And I never, ever want you to say again that they are just weeds, do you hear me?!  Because I cherish every dandelion you ever give me. I always want you to give me dandelions. Never, never stop. OK?”   She looked at me like I was crazy and then she agreed.  She plucked one, then two and three up from the ground, bunched them in her usual array.  She placed them in the same container as the lovely tulips she picked that morning.

They are perfect, don’t you agree?

tulips and dandelions

P.S. As for the weeds, I am slowly digging my way out of hell.  I have almost recovered my Japanese garden walkway which was so perfectly manicured when I moved in. NOT!  The dandelions have made quite a home there. Don’t tell my daughter most of them ended up in the compost pile! Sorry little weeds! I tried! (bleeding heart that I am).

P.P.S.  Solution?  Put the kid to work!… 

no fair!

Evolutionary Women!

Awakening

I am tuned in and turned on to Evolutionary Women. They seem to be following me!  This is a good thing.  First, I was looking for them. I didn’t even know what I was looking for exactly, but then… there they were. Online, everywhere!  Now, they seem to be finding me, gratefully, at a local level.  I could get lost dancing on discussion boards, and even participating in teleclasses with faceless speakers.  But I can’t get lost eye to eye sitting on a comfy couch made for two or three…

There is something blessed about a local cafe. I discovered one lately nearby my house where I could meet like-minded people in my neighborhood.  I was surprised when I ventured out of my habitual zone how much energy there was just waiting for me.  Once I showed up, and it seemed like a radar screen tapping in to those looking for me.

I got a call from a woman friend, then two, who I hadn’t seen in eons.  We each met separately and cozied up on the proverbial couch.  The coffee was good, but the conversation was better.  We realized at a fundamental level we were on the same journey, though our roads may not be the same.  There was  “something going on” within us and between us that had not been there before.

Something is going on…

Are You an Evolutionary Woman?

  • Not just seeking anymore – Finding – Becoming
  • Immersed in inner and outer activity
  • Ever-Evolving, growing, learning
  • Excited, anticipatory, blurting out wonders
  • Showing us, for the first time perhaps, just what’s inside her
  • Exploding with possibilities!
  • Becoming fully alive or ready to be
  • A sea of creativity
  • A mountain of surprises

That can be you. That can be me.

It’s exciting to realize after years of ‘going it alone’ (even while in relationships), we were really connected all along at a deeper, primal level.  We are not only rooted in a past all too familiar, but our branches are now reaching out and touching each other.  That is a miraculous thing.

Are you an evolutionary woman? Do you want to be? Let me know what you think. Write to me.