Tag Archives: strong

Preamble to Day 30…

 
Where I am right now:
Undoctored.
Philosophy?
Never.
 
I’m right here, I am
Looking at you
Looking at me
No apology
That’s who I am
You see.
Let’s hit the road
 
I’m  not lying
I don’t need anything more than this,
This is perfect, right like this
That look of complaint is gone
Replaced by unclouded honesty
At home in itself.
Past landscapes,
Ever changed
The perfume of time
Richly deserving a rest
Lingers on my face and chest
Open to the sky…
 
 
Mmm… the fragrance of my body and mind
Who I am this time.

Day 22: The Daily Commitment Contract

OK, so here’s where “the rubber meets the road”. A few weeks ago, I wrote about my Commitment. It was a real declaration. But how much am I really doing? How can I measure  if I am meeting my commitments, and how can I make myself more accountable? It’s all about personal integrity. But it doesn’t hurt to have a public check-in!

I’m not just talking about things I “have to do”, but things I need to do. Things that will change my life for the better (and maybe other people’s too). So, I am going to share this list with you so I can demonstrate and practice my own commitment, and hopefully inspire you too.

Here it is, my daily commitment contract (this does not include all the other things I have to do in a given day like raising kids, business tasks, house/home, putting out fires, helping friends, building new frontiers).

My Daily Commitment Contract*

1. DAILY SPIRITUAL PRACTICE - Morning meditation and workout upon waking (about 6:30-7:00) before anything else where possible.

2. DAILY WRITING - Daily blog for 30 Days of Miracles; plus daily script-writing for film project over the next 30 nights… with a goal of completing a working draft this summer.

3. RELATIONSHIP - Daily time exploring our relationship dynamic, deepening and having more fun together, with at least 1/2 hour a night of uninterrupted time together sans TV and kids!

RULE:  NO Facebook, Twitter, email, TV (distractions) until I have done my morning work FIRST.  Same goes for the evening round. This is the hardest part!

“Commitment to Self/Core; commitment to Creative Expression; Commitment to Relationship. Then Everything Else!”

Well, that’s it folks. For now. I will be posting updates here and on Facebook (once my commitments are met, of course).  Hold me accountable, ask me how it’s going!  (Any good contract requires witnesses.) And that’s what we can do for each other.

So, what’s on your list?…

Love,

Krista

* This contract is subject to change without notice. Just kidding. However, we can be flexible ;)

Day 18: Intimidated

Today I feel intimidated. I am afraid to write this post!  I am embarrassed that someone will read it, which they probably will! So I told my son who is a musician and can understand this kind of fear, and he said:

“Write like no one will read it. You can always worry about it later.”

Brilliant! Why didn’t I think of that?

Last night I was wildly embarrassed about my post and deleted it on Facebook (you can read it here if you want - I am committed and it remains Day 17).  I suddenly felt more aware that people are watching, reading my work. I was becoming afraid of my audience! This is not good!

What do I do about that? I have learned soooooo  many ways to deal with that feeling of Intimidation. There is no one (at least not openly) judging me, certainly not as harshly as I judge myself. And a lot of folks have been quite nice. I just didn’t want to have to go through it, this feeling. AGAIN! Why can’t I get this right? After all, I am well-trained, highly evolved! I should know better, Damnit!

But, here I am. Embarrassed. Intimidated.

But wait – why is my life so amazing? Isn’t that what this blog is for?  Yes, it is. I have no excuses. My crybaby worries won’t work anymore. I’m not getting out of this.

Nor could I get out of my audition today: the things I had to do to prepare; the nice man I was supposed to audition with but had to go in with someone else instead; the courage I felt in doing my best despite awkward glances; the compassion I showed myself by saying ”thank you very much”, and patting myself on the back, even if I hadn’t really “nailed” it.  Despite all of that, and the dusty hot streets I encountered as I walked to the car…  I felt good.

I wasn’t afraid anymore. Not because my source of discomfort was gone, but because it didn’t really matter anymore. I was there for a time: I connected, I shared, I laughed, I sighed. And now it was time to move on.

I am still here and my whole life as well.

At least I am not intimidated by her anymore, that little girl inside myself. I have come to love her qualities, the different temperatures and landscapes of her inner world; I am beginning to see them as passing mist, nothing to get too worked up about. And sometimes, to even cherish awhile.

When I got home, there was a pool to put up, kids to feed, a dog freshly groomed and running about. Happiness filled the moist, grassy air…

It was heaven on earth.

Oh, what was I so worried about?

P.S. I can’t say I followed my son’s advice to the rule, or that I “nailed” my post either, but at least I did it.  And so, I  continue another day. Amen.

Day 12: The Climb

1

.

“Jump off the high dive, woman.”
She looks at him.
No.
Yes.
No.
“OK, have it your way.”
He picks her up and throws her in.
.
2
.
“Jump off the high dive, damnit.”
“NO. I can’t.”
“Yes you can.”
“No, I won’t.”
“Yes you will if I have anything to do with it.”
She pauses.
He smiles.
She runs.
He chases her.
She jumps in.
.
3
.
 
 “Go on, you can do it.”
“I know” she says and smiles.
But she doesn’t.
He pauses.
She looks at him.
“Why should I?” she asks.
“What are you waiting for?” he answers.
He waits.
She goes and climbs the first step.
 .
4
.
 
“It’s cold up here.”
“So.”
“I’m hungry. I want to come down now.”
“No.”
“Why?” she asks again.
“Because you don’t want to.”
“OK.”
She goes one step further.
.
5
.
 
“It’s high up here.”
“I know.”
“What should I do now?”
“I can’t hear you…”
She contemplates.
Nobody is there.
She is all alone.
What do I do now?
Keep going.
She doesn’t go.
She tries to come back down,
But something keeps drawing her nearer.
 .
6
.
 
She comes back down and rests.
She does other things to distract herself.
He doesn’t care.
He waits for her.
Then, when she is ready, she asks him again.
“What should I do now? Go again? Do you want me to?”
“Do you?”
“I do. Something is calling me nearer.”
“Then go if you want to. Do it.”
 .
7
.
 
She goes again,
This time she is one step nearer.
Suddenly there is a crowd.
Only a few looking up at her.
She is doing something newer.
They are cheering for her.
This is fun again.
She climbs to the top and takes a peek at all there is to see.
She freaks and comes back down.
They pat her on the back, but she has a frown.
“What’s the matter?” they ask.
“I didn’t do it yet. I pretended to. I didn’t climb the whole way. I didn’t jump off.”
“So. You tried. That is enough.”
“NO. I want to go again.”
“Good. Then go.”
 .
8
.
 
This time there is no one around.
She creeps out into the night.
She climbs the ladder fully and stands at the top.
She sings her song to the mountaintops and the trees.
She is free.
No one is listening
Or so she thinks.
In the morning there are people everywhere,
Crowding her for a time,
Congratulating her on her mountainous climb.
She is dumfounded.

“How did you know?”

“We could hear you.”

.

.

P.S. So, what number are you on?…

Krista Moore’s “The Climb”, written by Krista Moore June 1, 2011, posted on “Krista’s ‘Little Book of Miracles’”.

Healing Women

Last week I was in rough shape. I had been struggling for awhile, doing everything “right”:  Taking my vitamins, going to the gym, maniacally trying to control everything. But I couldn’t control myself. I just wasn’t feeling right. And I had twisted my neck getting out of bed. I was down on my knees (though I couldn’t even pull that one off). I knew I needed a miracle.

What do we do when we’ve already done everything?  We pray. And what if that doesn’t work?

We call the doctor.

The day was sunny and the drive quite pleasant. Maybe it was coincidence, or maybe it was hope smiling on me again. I waited patiently as I listened to her laugh inside the room where she was seeing another patient. I flipped through the  magazines and felt the nervousness in my tummy. Also, excitement.  I knew that this was just one step in a long chain of new events. And I had taken the first one.

Hopeful songs were swirling round my head as I waited, until I saw her come out of her office to greet me. She smiled and hugged me.  Now I remembered why I had come.

We said a lot of things in that room, but the most important thing she said is this:

“Remember, asking for help is not being a failure. You have taken a proactive step.”

Then she commended me for my vigilance in trying to do it all on my own. She reminded me that no one can. She told me about how she almost died the previous year from flesh eating disease but thankfully was saved; and how her husband had a massive coronary. She is now committed to a better quality of life and semi-retirement.

My visit reminded me that doctors are human. And, the best of doctors know this. Extending love and care is just as healing as the balms and potions they may serve.  All potions are temporary; Love is the only miracle cure.