Tag Archives: surrender

Prayer of the Mystic

jordan river from yourguidetoisrael

River Promise

 

Forgive yourself

For you are the river that takes the  bitter route

And finds the ocean swell around you like shoulders

Broadening and holding the most precious child.

 

Oh river, take me slowly at first

So that I do not get lost in tears of my own abiding

Show me how to wave my arms around rocks and groves

Silver and gold my underlings

Patterns softening and shaping the water

As old batteries are brushed aside

Promises of new year tides

 

Take me to the one promise I never told

Perfect and flowing 

Ever going

Into the mystic of God’s perfect Arms

Enfold.

 

 

The Miracle is You

 

The 3 Layers of Letting Go

butterfly flying free from cupped hands

Letting go is the cornerstone of living a life of peace, serenity and purpose. Having to “go it alone” or struggling to make other people fit our expectations is not conducive to happiness.

How do you let go? There are many ways.

Here are 3 Ways I have learned to let go…

 

 

AUDIO: The 3 Layers of Letting Go

1.  Personal Level – Letting Go of False Beliefs, Negative Thoughts & Patterns

Sometimes the shift is as simple as entertaining a sense of possibility. Not shutting down to “no” or “too late”.  Listening to stories of others who have “made it” or found a new path can be inspiring. Reading inspiring literature. Learning new mental habits of awareness. Opening your consciousness to the new.  Questioning any hard-line beliefs or dis-beliefs. Staying open to what’s true. Watching how you talk to yourself. Letting go means love. And loving yourself is paramount.

2. Relational Level – Letting Go of People, Institutions, Organizations, Situations, External Restrictions

This can be about forgiveness and opening to love in existing relationships. It may also require more honest questions about your growth.  Do you feel empowered and free enough to be yourself in your existing  circumstances? Can you create safety and teach others to receive you differently?.  Sometimes you can adapt your ways, but others can’t or won’t. If you don’t feel free enough, begin seeking partners and communities who will uphold the best in you, love you and want you to be yourself. It may be difficult, it may be painful, but if you have exhausted all avenues and have given your best, it may be time to love and let go.  Then pour your heart into a loving container of “peeps” who get you. In it you will be fed, and your new life will be given the right soul (and soil) to bloom.

3. Spiritual Surrender – Letting Go & Asking for a Higher Power / Self/ Spirit to Guide You

This is the most humbling of the three, and extremely personal, and yet completely impersonal. It is about something greater than yourself. A deeper vision, insight, or understanding.  A connection to your source of inspiration. If you can’t find it, ask. Seek. Listen. It will often show up in other people and new circumstances. It will invite you in. It will feel comforting and empowering.  Sometimes you have to scream and yell to be heard.  But this voice, inner nudge, intuition, Life force, Friend – will never leave you. You are a part of everything. Once you connect, you will become part of the flow of Life.

 

MORE WAYS TO CONNECT & LET GO:

Take 5 minutes in the morning, or while you are driving in your car, and just allow yourself to listen. Ask yourself how you feel, what you need, and be prepared to act on what you feel guided to do. What feels honest to you.

Try doing things differently for awhile. Writing with the opposite hand, taking a different route, going for a sensory walk at lunch, doing karaoke, or going too far. Letting go of the old (habits, clothes, schedules, burdens) opens you up to your inner yearnings and passions. You may discover a new talent, desire, or circumstance that leads to something else unexpected. It is all connected.

Seek support and encouragement. Find a partner, friend, circle or community where you can be yourself, and where growth and authenticity are paramount. We cannot do this alone. Letting go and changing is hard work. It takes commitment, but more than that, it takes love. And we cannot love alone. Find your “clan”. And watch the miracles grow!

 

Some Final Words of Wisdom:

“Letting go is trusting that your worst judgments about yourself and others are likely wrong, unfair and untrue.  It is believing the BEST in yourself and others and ACTING upon this new belief.”

“Although I fail to believe in myself sometimes, there seems to be something that has more faith in me. And when I let go, this faith is proven to be worthy and justified.”

“I have no goals but to live each day as an unguarded masterpiece.”

–  Krista Moore

 

 

 

In the Midst of Everything…

 

In the midst of everything… The sound of the sirens and the dog howling, and my reassurances to him that all is well….

And my daughter getting tucked into bed, nourishing a broken heart over girls who no longer want to be friends – her daddy reading her a bedtime favourite called, “Mr. Mischief” (from the Mr. Men series)…..

In the midst of the traffic light which turned as we rolled out of the pub after chicken wings and beer, a shady  hide-away from the light of day, and the music playing renewing my husband’s spirit…

In the midst of my grown teenage boy growing up even more, past me now, talking to his girlfriend on the phone…

And my own day of loneliness, touch, wonder, chaos and curiosity, what’s next, what can I grow…

I smell the lilacs in bloom, more sweet than ever, more luscious still than any springtime weather, and my hydrangeas hanging their heads with the promise there is more to bloom…

I hear the vacant stars and the moonlit sky calling to us to return to the evening calm as mosquitoes die and leave us alone…

In wonder, I return, again and again, to the seaside smell of wonder, the promise of never-after, but forever becoming, now still humming, wondering, promising, who, what, how and when…

Thank God for this constellation of stars, for this still-light moon, for this dancing array of the bottomless possibility we may find our way, of the heavenly knowing that no dew remains long as the sun returns…

I light my hands, every morning, skyward. I rise above the hasty habit of introspection and dry thought, I remember the chance to begin again, to stir, to ask the question, to reap the reward, to dance the floor boards

Oh my soul promises yet again, and never ever ends. Oh the promise is that I rise again, and again, and again. Never dying, always rising, crying, the surrender to what is.

Amen.

 

 

P.S. This is all about Letting Go…  How do you surrender?  How do you deal with the chaos of life?  I found my sweet spot in this spiritual surrender. How do you find yours?

We are Not Alone

 

God speaks through me sometimes. It’s true. Whether you believe in God or not, or a Higher Power, I do. I cannot deny it. Nor can I prove it. But I don’t have to. The words and the wisdom come, the turning around from, the changing of mind, the miracle of rebirth in a moment’s sigh, the realization that I was wrong – the surrender to what is true, what is soft, miraculous, sure, and strong. What is not myself as I thought I was – deliberate, stubborn, insecure, steadfast, slighted, vulnerable and afraid. All the human emotions dissipate with just one word.

Truth comes to those who are looking for it.  Our defenses are high, our ramshackle defenses are waylaid, threadbare, savage, silly, afraid. How do we justify ourselves when what we have created is so bare?  What does it take to give that up and walk away?

Everything.

I learned this today.  An article on the Law of Motion/Inertia stated that we are constantly moving in our chosen trajectory even when we think we are standing still. We may think we are “stuck” or helpless, but we are always on a path going somewhere (or nowhere!) – It may be the path our grandparents laid out, or our parents chose for us, or our schools and universities, or businesses, or family and friends, even our children. We are deeply rooted in the world we see, and in the path laid out before us.  How do we remain free?  What are we rooted in?

There are so many ways to look at a thing.

But what if we looked within?

 

Today I did just that. I had ideas whirling around in my head, stresses and counter-stresses, thoughts and routines, worries and imaginings, concepts of me and others others, plans and no plans. So much interference! There was no room for me. Or them. No room for Reality…

So I stepped back. Lit a candle. Put my sanctuary back.  Opened my book of peace, the one that works for me. Where the words instantly produce a different feeling, an instant reality. Shifting everything I thought just minutes before and releasing me from all doubt and worry.  I am free.

 

And so I hum and sigh and release. I shake it all off. I hear the sun again on the horizon of a day I never knew existed before this special meeting. I had been in the car, carpooling and careening.  I was not driving anywhere that had any meaning.  And so I pulled aside. I got out. I got what I needed.  And sitting here, not so much in the driver’s seat, as hovering above the scene – I can breathe. I can see more clearly.  I am not in such a hurry to figure it out.  I have this candle and I have peace.

I have the words that have  meaning to  me. That is all it takes.

Maybe I don’t need to run to the gym, pop 5 or 7 pills (vitamins!) and do mental Olympics to pull off this feat. Maybe I don’t need 17 people to believe in me. Maybe it’s enough to slow down and listen again – to me – to that deepest most trusted, most serene part of me. The part that knows everything. The part that needs nothing.

In this peace I am not alone. Nor do I need to do anything. I just receive what I have already been given. I see the gifts. I realize my own potential. And the new path entrusted to me. I have a responsibility.  But my first responsibility is to myself – to hear the Truth properly. To allow it to shift me, to let it do it’s job on me. Then, and only then, can I go out and do my job in the world.

“All things are given you. God’s trust in you is limitless. He knows [You]. He gives without exception, holding nothing back that can contribute to your happiness.”   – A Course in Miracles, Lesson 166,

What is Love?

A friend asked me this question, and I am commissioned to answer.  I would be wise not to try to answer it by saying what love is, for as A Course in Miracles says, love cannot be defined.  But perhaps in offering what love is not I can suggest its opposite. But, as the Course says, “what is all-encompassing can have no opposite”.

There is only one cure for “love” in this world and that is God.

I have known glimpses of love’s scent. I have known the quality of joy looking back in the mirror, the glow of understanding, of surrender. The big AHA that comes as a deep sigh within. The grateful feeling of love’s proximity keeping us safe from the wizards of doom.

I do not believe that love comes from one person. I do not believe that we are meant to love only one person and put all our hopes and dreams on that. That is not love, but devastation. For people will always disappoint you.

No one should be used as a “replacement” for Love. No one can put windows and doors around Love’s Presence. When you feel it, you know it. It is a safe but unbordered country. I have no idea how to define it or even say I know it clearly.I am still humble in the ways of love.

Any relationship, or lack of relationship, can be transformed by surrendering your ideas about it, and asking for a “miracle” instead.

We all make mistakes. And though I said we cannot find Love in another person, I meant exclusively. If we try to possess another person as our own – as in “My Family”, “My Spouse”, “My Children”, we are boxing them in. We are not seeing them for who they really are – unique individuals, yes, on a mission of their own. Each person is born with a unique blueprint, a purpose for being here. And believe me, it is not to satisfy you and make your life easier.  That is your job.

If you are expecting others to do the work for you, to reach those arms around you and keep you safe, they will inevitably disappoint. That is their job!  To show you where your weak spots are, to stimulate rejection so you can learn, to catalyze transformation.

Believe it or not, that purpose is truer to Love’s Cause than the other. Anyone you choose to make yourself comfortable, static and “the same” is just your way of keeping yourself in a holding pattern. It may feel like a house, a relationship, a life, but it is just your way of feeling safe. That doesn’t mean you can’t have those things, they are necessary to life, but they are not what life is for.

True love says Go, do what you have to do. Don’t worry about me. True love let’s another person grow beyond the edges of what is comfortable for either one. True love sees a relationship as an opportunity to grow, forgive and let go. Of expectations, definitions, demands, and other subtle ways we try to control the other. Unless something is freely given, it isn’t a gift, it’s a temporary prison.

So what is love? I don’t know. But it isn’t this: It isn’t waiting for the perfect person to come along. It isn’t looking at other people as potential soul-mates and measuring whether they fit the bill. It isn’t designing a life for yourself where only certain people belong.

Love is weightless, empty and strong. Love does not expect, declare or remain anywhere too long. Love is friendly and kind, as Paul the Apostle said. But it doesn’t always come with a marriage certificate.  Does that mean two people can’t love each other? No. It means our new job here is to decide if we are willing to let go. To really see another person for who they are, who they could be, but bear no interference in their crossing that bridge for themselves. We can lend a hand, that’s all.

Does that mean we walk alone? Absolutely not!  There are many friends for the journey. Not only your “mate”, but the whole world around you. You just have to look around. You have to offer it to someone – anyone!  You can’t just wait for it to happen. I hate to say this, but it’s like the Red Cross blood commercial:

It’s In You To Give

I hope that didn’t exasperate you too much. It exacerbates  me too, sometimes! I am only human. But my Divine Self is persistent and seems to have put me on this path. Even though I don’t know all the time, something in me does. And so I attempt to share the best way I can.

I hope that helps in some way. I hope that doesn’t discourage at all, but opens doors, window-frames, and every other structure you’ve laid. I talk of you, me and everyone here. We are all the same.

The truth is, we are not alone. We have many Helpers, friends, lovers. We are all commissioned to the task at hand. To learn to love each other. And if we can’t do that, to forgive.

That is all for now.

Amen.


4. Resting in the Universe

 

Yesterday, as I lay on my chaise lounge outside under the grand maple tree, the only word that came to me was

“Mmmmm….”

I did not feel it through my body, as a yogi does, but I felt it through my mind, through my pores, through the trees. I felt nothing but the breeze, and my own breath on my hand.

There  is a silence so deep, that even while the torrent speaks, the breath is silently gumming the words peace. There is no word there. There is just the delicious smell of existence. Of water. Of poetry. Of united. Basking in the glow. There is no tomorrow. Nothing to shed. Nowhere to go.

Sheltered in the trees, in the breeze, I wondered if my life were too easy. Why am I not in a war-torn country? Why am I not speaking to millions on TV? Why am I just laying here soaking up the rays and quietly counting the days, the words I sing to you…

Because I have to. Nothing else matters right  now. Nothing else sings to me but my own song of patience and self-sacrifice. When I say sacrifice I mean it in the most spiritual sense. Nothing real is forsaken. Nothing is lost. Only the ego, which I cling to still, for solidarity, speaks to me and asks to “check-in.”

There is a softness now that never was before.  The sharp edges of existence, the need to have, to want, to make happen, have disappeared. When they revisit me, they are on a mission –  not from my ego – but from God.  Never have I felt so naked as now, bearing my soul to you. Telling the truth, even as I know it, discover it, express it, find it. It is You. I am bonded to the word: I Am.  Someone said that to me today, M-, and I laughed. I discovered her smile and her laugh, her faith in me. I understood. There is imminent silence in our shaking of hands, in the colours and light, the attitude.  A softness, a gathering, a united feeling. A warming of hands, a sparkling of eyes.

It is as if the softness and colours of the trees visit me, even as I sit in another place, on a porch swing, in a sanctuary space, in a crowd of onlookers, or when I am asked to speak. A Presence follows me, a calm and natural feeling. I am safe. There is no hesitance in my speech. I am safe. There is no precedent for it. Nothing to profit by. I am just being myself.

Mmmmm……

That is all I feel now.  A soft inner understanding, a great patience and rest. The rest is safe. It can wait. For me, for Him, for whatever moves through me. It will come. “I” no longer matter. My ego pretends it matters a great deal. But I know differently. No clocks tick my impatience awake. Even as I sit tonight, late, I am soft, I am loose, my belly curved. My eyes soft on the “page”. It is night. It is day. Whatever time it is, I am safe. I am at play.

I hardly know what to dedicate this to anymore. There is a harmony, a blending; I am surrounded by people, new voices, questions, supplications, invitations. I hardly know what to say. Except –

Mmmmmmm…… and just breathe it all in.

Yes, it is good. I may protest a bit, but not enough to stop this wind from blowing and dashing my protest to bits, leaving me dangling by the leaf on my  hand.

It’s enough.

It is night. And the soft stars are staring their surprise back at me. The force of all is knowing, spinning, vertical. Lifting us up beyond the trees. The knowing stars are shining, and You, You are too. However you wait, however long. Whatever you do. You are knowing too.

Amen.

Haley Flies Through the Mountaintops

1400 miles. 6 days. Up the Pacific Coast and down the interior of Southern CA.  What does it matter where we stayed and what we did? This isn’t a travel blog. It’s a “course” in miracles.  What did I learn? Let me attempt to recreate.

Every time we got on the road I had an “anticipation”.  A deliberate expectation that formed in my mind unconsciously, but undeniably formed like  a phantom waiting for me at the next gate.  When we stopped to search, we inevitably found a new way. Our “radar” was on, our GPS loaded. We had a destination, after all. But the in between was unsettling at times.  I had to let go.

The long stretch of road, the flowering weeds, the smell of wheatgrass and mountain air. There was a wide openness out there. Something that couldn’t be seen or controlled. The road may wind one way, but our minds go another. We “think” we know where we’re going, but we never do.

Sometimes I would drowse. Sometimes I would take the wind in my hair. Sometimes I would eat and fidget in my chair, sometimes I would take the driver’s seat…

[slideshow]

Video of my mountaintop drive coming soon…

We were coming back to the coast after a long trip up and through San Fransisco. We had barely stopped for a rest. We found this little way back unexpectedly, not the highway, but the bi-way through the mountaintops. The  most scenic route on the map.  Steve asked if I wanted to drive. I hesitated.  Something in me knew. When I took the wheel, my lazy, numb-brained “along for the ride” self suddenly shifted into full awareness, out of the dream and into the bright landscape of trees, dust, and curves. I felt every bend, my eyes fully fixed on the road. My breathing controlled and smooth, my mind entranced with what I could do, elated at my sudden rush of power, confident in my handling at the wheel, amused by my “passenger” squirming a little in his seat, amazed at my ability and nerve.  This excited me further.

I had changed from nervous passenger glowering over mountaintops, to fully-alive, fiery Mountain Woman toppling the great unknown.
 
Slow cars pulled over.  I was riding with the Harleys.
 
Adventure was in.  Fear was out.  All hats were off!
 
The mountain which had previously threatened me now held me perfectly.

Haley was flying through the mountaintops*.

* See Haley Sings to the Mountaintops and Special Edition: Haley’s Comet Anniversary & Me .

How did I assimilate this experience into the rest of my trip? Every moment was a new moment to let go. Let go of expectations. Of what hotel to stay in. Or what tomorrow will bring. Let go of “I want it this way” or “I can’t do that”. Let go.  Every day is a day to take the driver’s seat. That doesn’t mean you boss the world around or know exactly what to do. But somehow, in the moment, as the road presents itself, and the general destination looms over the mountaintops, you know what to do.

Just drive.

P.S. The last morning as I was lying in bed thinking about what I still wanted to do, I roused my partner and ordered him to the car. “I want to swim in the ocean.” I said powerfully. He listened. We drove in our bathing suits and parked on Venice Beach, a few miles away from our quiet sanctuary in Marina Del Rey. The water was too quiet for me today. I needed the ocean to stir my appetite.  We bounded into the waves. It was cold. I didn’t care. It was 8:30AM and the only other person was a surfer in full body suit. Our skin was naked against the salty air.  I wasn’t satisfied until I soaked my hair. Crazy gangly sea-things washed up against my leg and I shivered and jumped.  I went farther, dipped down, then up and away! riding the last wave…

How can I push the envelope this minute? What can I do differently? What will scare me a little and make me wake up? That is how to stay ALIVE.

Thank you California, and Marina Del Rey. Highway 33, 105 and Tulare. Marilyn Monroe in Santa Maria, and the elephant seals in Morro Bay. There is so much more to say. Maybe I’ll get around to it, maybe someday.

In the meantime, I’ll drive my way.

 

P.S. Here’s the video of my mountaintop drive, for those of you who aren’t too squeamish!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvKxA7Ifo44. Enjoy!

 

I Have a Plan

Why are so many women still unhappy?

Are we really so ungrateful for what we have and who we are, or is there some bigger fish to fry?

I feel this state of discontent that is completely un-understandable to most men I know. And when I talk about this state of relentless need or desire for change, most women get it.  How come?  And what do we do about it?

I’ve done the Feminine Power course with some dynamite women, and it seemed like I was looking in the mirror most of the time – most women, even highly accomplished women, feel this dissatisfaction with their current lives, no matter how fulfilling they appear to be.  Some were unhappy for understandable reasons – let’s say they had not yet reached for something they really wanted to do, or they hadn’t found a partner to love and lived their lives alone.  That can be difficult.  But I have already done some things I’m proud of, not all, but some, and I do have a creative partner who wants me to succeed and be happy. So what’s my excuse?  I even have the children I love and always wanted. I have a supportive family mostly and some very good friends. I am not alone.

And yet, most days I awake feeling… what am I doing? What’s next? Where do I come from and where am I going? All these fundamental, proverbial questions that won’t let me be for a moment.  Never satisfied with what I’ve done. There always has to be more. Or different. Or better. It’s never good enough. I’m never good enough. I go back to old habits that keep me comforted while I fritter away the day trying to decide what to do next or what matters to me most.

No. This is not the way. I know this.

My faith lacks faith. And a plan.

I keep relying on wisdom that is unapplied. Meaning I know what to do but don’t do it.  I just know when it’s good. When it seems to be working (ie., I feel happier).

But how do you keep it going? How do you keep moving in this new direction without losing your way and despairing all the time? Especially, especially, when you don’t know where you’re going. You only know it’s sort of like this, it kind of feels like that, it seems to come this way or that.  But there is no ‘connect the dots’. No absolutes. It could all fall apart any minute.

Is this the road to happiness or the road paved with good intentions?

What miracle do I need now to fix my stare on the good, the true and the holy? What miraculous voice within me will steer me and cheer me on without delay? And will NOT go away?

It seems people can be argued with, but our internal self or Voice cannot. It simply quiets, presumably waits for us to stop clambering and climbing the walls.

“Hellooo…. Over here, this way!” Poor soldiers that we are, so determined to make things hard, so entrenched in our old patterns and beliefs.

Shift us, barricade us, blow us out of the water!  Dry us off.  Fasten us to your side waistcoat and never let us go. Guide us, deliver us, champion us. We all want a champion we can believe. Don’t we?

Sometimes it seems I am a child waiting for someone to tell me what to do. To give me an out, a game-plan, a goal, a guarantee.  A rock that will not shift beneath my feet.

Is this possible? Wise? Profitable?

I sure as hell hope so. Cause it’s all I need. Call it a cop-out if you will, but if we knew what to do all this time, wouldn’t we have done it by now? And if we tried to do it and failed and then tried to make it again on our own and failed, maybe there is a better way. Maybe we are not as wise as we had hoped.

Women are strong.  But often our strength lies in recognizing when we need a break, and when we need a hand.  We are used to lending one, but it is harder for us to take one, grasp one hard and fast, and never let go. It is a hard lesson to grasp. But maybe, maybe, it isn’t so bad.

Maybe we haven’t failed, we just failed to understand what we need most of all. Faith not just in ourselves, but in our belief.  That’s what We are here for. To understand for each other when times are tough, to lift each other up. To fasten our hands to those we trust and ask what good can come for all of us.  Nothing makes us happy alone. We haven’t even really tried.  We know it’s useless. But this, this is something new. What can we do with God or the Universe on our side, with Heaven at our feet, with wisdom in our hearts, and people joining hands in the streets?  This all sounds corny but it isn’t. It’s downright true.  It’s what I know, it’s what I believe. It may be embarrassing, it may make me feel like a crazy person sometimes, but there is no other way. Either I have my pride, or I have You.

Call it what you will.

I pick You.