Tag Archives: writing

Where Do We Go From Here?

I’ve witnessed and co-created an amazing transformation in my life in the last 8 years. Significant and tectonic plate shifts have occurred in the inner landscape of my world which have seen outer changes as well.

Although on the outside much may look the same (except children are older and I am as well!), I live in the same place, but the world I inhabit and am connected to is very different.

What I care about has not so much shifted as been recognized, acknowledged, acted upon and resulted in major developments.  I feel as if I have conquered the world in some ways: conquered depression, inertia, fear, confusion, self-doubt and misery; and have found my golden seed, my amethyst, my inner knowing that runs secure across all things…

Some things never change. We simply catch up to who we really are on the inside and allow that to manifest on the outside without suppressing it anymore. That is what happened to me. I unleashed myself. And now, here I am!

 

So without giving a running score of what has happened (that is mostly contained in the previous 200 blogs on this website), I will ask the great question that we ask when we reach the top of a mountain:

Where Do We Go From Here?

This is not a defeatist question, nor one of discontent.  It is a pleasurable question that runs through me like a wave of excitement, like the dew on the rose leaves outside, the wild gathering clouds before a rainstorm, and the bursting of the sun just after. It is a question filled with LIFE. It is NEVER, EVER done. And Thank God for that!

My life is my best creation. From it comes connection, children, family, creativity, great discoveries and never-ending learning. From that comes never ending ways to teach and uncover and share what I’ve learned. I am an eternal student, and a happy mentor.

I feel the impulse to create, to see what is coming through. I wait for the current, for the energy, for the awareness to spread so that I cannot NOT do it. It comes with a feeling, a knowing and sometimes with words or instructions. Often without. Either way, I seem to know where to step in to, to try the waters, to see what is next.

I have seen glimpses in my inner vision of what may be coming. I have been “informed” of what that might be, but not the timing or the how, and when. Just approximately!…

One thing I know is I have planted many seeds… And now they are sprouting all around me. I have groups, writings, a podcast, clients, teachings, new friendships, collaborators, and co-creators. I have a web so big and wide who knows what will spring up out of the matrix of all these many seeds. I know that God is leading me. I don’t need to know how. I just know this is for me.

I feel good about what is happening, and can’t wait to share what’s next. I am more than happy just waiting a little bit longer as I begin to manifest it. It is magnetic.

I am content, creative, causal and relaxed. I am filled with life and will never look back. All that has happened is preparation for me. All that is now is the foundation. And what is created next, well, that is more magnificent and miraculous than one can even imagine or talk about!

We will see!

 

P.S. I will share a hint in my next post! 🙂

Miracles as Signs or Messages – Part I

New Spiritual Soul Series.  Part I.  In the past few years, a series of miraculous signs and messages began to filter through my conscience, showing up as unexpected events and encounters that literally rocked my world…

It began as early as 2009, when I began to seek my true purpose here, and ask for what I was born to do.  I knew being an actor was not the real reason for my gifts and talents, as it only brought me so far and lacked any substance or meaning.  I can only say that what I was being prepared for was a much deeper calling…

 

Then God showed up. 

 

In the summer of 2009 I went on a writer’s retreat which had nothing to do with my “spiritual calling”, but I thought it would be fun.  After all, I got to go to New York and Southampton, and my adventurous spirit was temporarily appeased.

Before I left, I had a feeling that something greater was about to happen, because I had been asking God and seeking my true purpose, something where I could be of greater service to others.  Then I wrote this message which I received using an inner dictation process from Jesus…

 

Painting use courtesy of Joyce Girgenti - www.inspiredbrushstrokes.com

Painting use courtesy of Joyce Girgenti www.inspiredbrushstrokes.com

March 5, 2009, I wrote:

“How can my career turn into a vocation or calling for you, something I have full trust and faith in?  Can you release me into knowing more fully who I am and why I came here?” I asked Him.

“Don’t forget why you came here.  It is to heal, and it is to offer to you and to all others the things that brought you here in the first place.  These things are your chosen few promises that you made upon embarking, and they are closed when you have closed the lid on them.  That hasn’t happened yet.  There is more to do.  There is much more to do, not just for you, but for others.  Do you understand?”

“Yes, I do.” I wrote in response, astonished.

“God knows and appreciates most deeply this invocation to order.  You know what you want and you are asking God for it most clearly.  He hears you and I along with you.  You cannot go wrong now for you have asked for the first order, and this is the one that passes the test along to you to pass on to your brothers and sisters.  You will not fail in your task.  And you will be released along with them not because you “passed” but because you gave them what you wanted.  You gave them the worth you asked them for.  Do you understand?”

“Yes” I said again, “I relieved their minds of what I was worried about.  I remembered who I was so they could remember, too.”

“Good.” He said, “Now go forward with this mission in mind.  You are here to heal all others of what ails you.  You are here to remember for them why you brought them here with you, and why they came to minister to you.  This is your mission now.  Use ever means available, and all that you have seen, to bring this truth to light in you and in them.  That is all your mission is here to accomplish.  It is a lot.  It is more than enough for you.”

“Thank you, Jesus. Amen.”  I wrote and took a deep breath and opened my eyes…

 

hampton jutney

So when I boarded the Hampton Jutney from New York to Southampton, I somehow knew it was going to be the trip of a lifetime, not because of what it was, but because of who I was becoming.

As I picked up my pen and notebook and sat back in my seat, a deep peace enveloped me, and I intuitively wrote:

 

 “I am walking into the Arms of God.”

 

To be continued….

 

 Go to Part II

 

Spewing Beauty

Today I found myself on a writing call with the lovely Julie Jordan Scott and 5 other creative women, who opened up my heart and mind to who I was, again.

You have to go back to when you were 7.  Or 2 or 3.  What I called “Raw Krista” – before “Conditioned Krista” came to be, followed by “Disillusioned Krista” and finally “Blossoming Krista” where I am today.  Each of us has our story, our undulating package of surprise. Of what our life could be, but what we have lived is more telling than we believed.  We looked for patterns.

Mine was Honesty. 

It came with a lock and key – a little blue diary.

I have guarded its secrets all my life, shared with only a select few. And perhaps that is the way it should be.

But. But. But!

fountain

What a beauty it is to be in the midst of 5 unrecognizable spirits, silent voices without bodies or even half-fragmented names in the dark. Does it matter who we are?  Exposed in undulating freedom.  Cracks through the roof let the rain come through.  Yes, unshielded, unguarded, quaking in our boots…

AWWWWE  the sound. Of truth whispering lips. The mystic in us does this. It knows what to do, even if we fear the adult coming through.  Wouldn’t it be fun to travel? To squish our toes in the dew? To know nothing else matters.   To let this beauty spill through?!

AHHHH  the delight, to hear the vestiges of truth praying. Mmmm…… roasting marshmallows of spiritual delight. Food. Traveller’s weary-bones waking in new shoes.

What a delight to live each day as an unguarded masterpiece, Spewing Beauty with all of You.

Amen!

P.S. What beauty would you like to spill right now? Feel free!  Let it spill down below for all  to see.

P.P.S. Thank you to Julie Jordan Scott’s Writer’s Camp for the open space which inspired today’s feast. 🙂

Mystical Waysayer: Show Me Your Garden of Chrysanthemums

 

What if I didn’t know who I was?
If I didn’t find my gemstone, my path, my lust?
What magic would pale at the sight of my magic dust?
What firmament of sand, of rigid pallor, of rust?

 

What if I never galloped on that horse?
Missed that dance?
Forgot to put the penny in the wishing pond?

 

“My Work is to Know You”

“My work is loving the world.” – Mary Oliver

This is something I spontaneously wrote and spoke aloud during a call with a gathering of women. The spoken word has such vibration, clarity, emotion, vibrancy. “See” if you can “hear” the soundless as you read, and feel your own Self breathe…

 
My work is to know you
Sacred cow
Deep middlemarch sounds
The clock is ticking
and yet
there is no sound
 
Ah, awake!
The sugar plum faeries have come
to take me away
To You, to You, to You
The Light has come
 
 
My light is Light
It has no other
It can not be prayed into
There is no book to cover
Its light, its sound
Its energy
It goes out and comes
Simultaneously
 
It gives and uses, it hums
It is given
It never goes away
And yet it is hidden
 
Ah! the darkness has come
But oh Light, oh Light, oh Light!
How It comes…
 

“Who Knows, Dos, Tres, Quatro…!”

Honest to God, folks, there is NO WAY I can keep up with this trip. I think it is like what Hemingwaysaid:   you can only write about Paris when you are in New York, and you can only write about New York when you are in Paris, or something like that.  So, while I am in California, I am too busy LIVING IT!

But I will not complain. I will endeavour to catch up with myself, which is absolutely impossible, because I am so ALIVE with it right now. (And I confess, I did have one really good cucumber and Tabasco martini served by the incredible Karen Seeley….)

our host Karen Seeley at the Santa Maria Inn

Here is an in-the-moment rendition of my roadtrip today, taken from my notebook:

Went to Self-Realization Fellowship Meditation Garden, at the advice of Claudia who I will tell you about in a separate blog because she deserves it ;).  We were coming from just above San Diego travelling North, hoping to hit just above LA.  In our handy-dandy TomTom GPS, I entered our goal: Ventura, CA. Street: Anywhere….
 
On the way…
steve the morning of
Marine corps practices in the desert, rescue helicopter, hovering above ground the size of a tank.  Several tanks line the ground against the brown dirt, smokey air hanging over clouds.
Mexican music popping, tuba players sounding through the air…
5 N to LA N
Close eyes and feel and smell…
cool still
smokey dusty
mexican fire
& pigs
like cuba
tank trucks going by
yellow
forearms cool
hair whipping behind
my wrap against
the back of  my head
rumbling under the car wheels
“Spanish polka!” steve says
slapping his thigh
rolling by…
hazy sage green
ocean hanging
under cloud.
a hawk finding
prey & freed soar
up ahead.
“yo amigo”
San Diego goodbye, though we never met
met your blood (Claudia)
and grew warmer.
“Adios”, he said.
“Hasta luego!” I called back.
“Vaya con Dios” she said.
I will. Thank You God.
I Am.

Where to stop?

1. Ventura? Coastal. Lots of swanky shops. Gorgeous. Nah, let’s keep going.

2. Monecito? hills, hidden little spanish villas in lushly lined laneways.. Nah, we need a wireless connection. Nearest? McDonald’s.

3. Santa Barbara! Aha! a bit rougher than New Orlean’s. lush but run down, busy coastal waterfront, hidden dusty alleyways, with junkyards. No thanks. What?? No McDonald’s?? Outta here.

4. Funny little Goleta. Maybe… no…. maybe. Energy too stagnant. Not enough going on. Not even still in a good way. Just small. ON we go.

5, 6, 7?  Found McDonald’s wireless pod.. Aaaah..  Barefoot into the bathroom, run back to the car. Top down. Found a place: How about:

Santa Maria… a little place just north east of here. Close to Luis Obisbo.  Close your eyes. Throw a dart. Santa Maria Historic Inn for 89.

YES!

We are at the AMAZING Santa Maria Historic Inn at… you guessed it, Santa Maria, CA.  This is what happens when you let go of  “the plan” and just ARRIVE….

[slideshow]

Highway road into the hills and ranches of Central Californ-I-A.  Wineries on a hilltop. Horses grazing nearby. The POP of life going on inside the car.

Life breezing by.

Here’s me in the car. Who needs sunglasses and a floppy hat in the side country.

Let the Woman Drive.

Day Who Knows….  We drive the coast. Steve takes me into the not-so-foothills of the Pacific Highway 1, rounding about and entering into tree-lined lanes that smell like Eucalyptus.  We stop at Morro Bay and take in the big rock, the clam chowder and the sea salty air. The air is damp and hovers, not hot, for most of the ride, leaving a film on your hair. Until you reach the desert stretches and true foothills of mid-CA…

We stop at Harmony for a wine tour, population 18, the red Zinfadel peppery and great; the white not so much but the label says it all.

By the time we tire, we are just below San Fran, and  make it only as far as Monterrey.  Gambling with Priceline, we find a Marriott at half price, and get upgraded with kindness to an Executive suite. Perfect.

Why plan when you can just Land?

Self-realization fellowship meditation garden (ie., zen wahoo!)

Here is the actual quote, though different than I remember:

If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast.
Ernest Hemingway

I imagine it is the same with California.

TO BE CONTINUED.

 

Morning Calls

I just felt like writing to you this morning! What a gorgeous Monday morning (I can hardly believe I said that). But it is. My dog just found his way downstairs after a lazy nap, and is now staring at his plaything, and sniffing a shoe. Just getting ready to move from sleep into action. Like me. It’s 8 0’clock, and “All’s Quiet on the Moore Front”. There is no enemy hovering over the hill, only the sun rising up over trees dancing in the breeze. So lovely!

What are you doing this morning?

I swear I just saw a monk passing the entrance to my driveway, or a woman brightly dressed in brilliant orange robes, sandals on her slow-moving feet.  This vision reminded me of travel, of worlds beyond this one. Where I see, smell and hear everything new…

morning walk

I will be going to California soon, for the first time, with my husband. Though I cheat, I have been there before, if only for a moment: getting out of the car (coming down from Nevada) into the Mojave Desert, five months pregnant, standing in the hot and silent sun, a cave of inner listening. I picked up  a rock there, a black lavic looking rock which was warm in my hands. I could only hear my breathing, and the hot air just hanging there and the sound of my feet in the sand. It was as if my own heart was beating the world into existence. I kept that rock as a talisman.

I am looking forward to rediscovering California from the eastern coastal ride up Highway 1…  San Diego….  Santa Monica…. LA (briefly, but must see the basics!)…. Carmel… maybe a mission or two… and then San Fransisco where I will meet my lovely ladie(s) that I have been talking to for over a year. I can’t wait to meet you (you know who you are).

My inner world is changing too. I no longer feel worried all the time as I used to. I feel an inner calm, of being in charge of my own destiny. And Grace too.  It’s magic, and it makes me giggle at times! (A wicked kind of giggle, my husband says).

Ah…. what can I share with you?  That is what I think now.  What can I be today that I haven’t been or done before. What is new. I feel that call now, pulling me to something greater, that beautiful, magical feeling that life is better than OK. It is not to be resisted or lamented. It is to be taken in, held and created like a warm ball of life, like that hot lavic rock melting in my hands.

Everything succumbs eventually to the sound of silence, to the sound of the primordial Yes.

I hear my call. I more than accept.

What is calling to you?

Day 28: Grace Gave Me Goosebumps

My friend Stacey’s comment today about Day 27  giving her “goosebumps” created a moment of Grace for both of us. I felt them too!  Thank you, Stacey.  And ah, Grace, You are always so good to me...

For the past several years I have been working on a project that I thought would never end. My creative partner and I were both tired, weary and confused as to how we would ever pull it off.  But we both knew it was worth it.  No matter how much I complained or avoided, my sense of responsibility to something greater than my bad attitude, prevailed.

I am now sitting on the precipice of something wonderful. I can just feel it. No more doubts hinder my ability to see what is worthy, what is good. I can feel the importance of what I am doing.  I seem self-motivated, or perhaps held up by something stronger than my own will.  The idea that what I am doing is ‘shared’ and not just my own is critical. It’s for everybody. It’s beyond egos and tidal waves. It’s pure. It’s a miracle.

Grace got us here.

I can’t tell you yet, but I will soon. I will require your support, and we will love your responses.

As my ’30 days of miracles’ comes to a close, I hope you will join me for my next adventure.  I somehow know you will! 

I can’t wait to keep growing, expanding, connecting, giving, rising up and discovering what I was born to do.

May Grace give you goosebumps, too!

Amen!